I shouldn't lie, I'm drunk right now. I'm sorry. I don't really believe I should apologize, but I do know that I'm not exactly being a good role model by getting drunk; however, I'm 23, and I think it's fair that I have a few on my Saturday night. Big is on. Right after he becomes an adult, and now he's helping out some little kid with math because he's good at it and actually in the same grade. That woman is in it that it's He Says, She Says with Kevin Bacon. I love that her name is Lorie in that, except she has that e which I don't have. Not as cool. Actually, I think the e is kinda coo, wish I had it, but my name is my name, so I can't hate it.

So, I'm going to tell you all a story that you might not think is as funny as we thought when it happened. If it isn't funny, I'm very sorry. I'm just trying to share a good moment with you. Okay, it's me, Laura (my best friend), Drew (her boyfriend), and Zach (a common friend of us all), and we're sitting around at my sisters' party drinking bear out of red plastic cups. Have you ever seen anyone check their watch and pour shit all over themselves? Well, Drew turned his wrist quite casually the opposite way pouring his full cup of beer slowly and steadily all over my sister's carpet. He was pouring so slowly andrr continuously that Laura and I had time to notice it, look at it, point, look at each other, and say, "What the fuck is he doing?" Drew realizes what he has done after nearly the entire beer has been poured, and we crack up hysterically at his mishap. We ask him through broken laughter why he did that. He tells us that he had noticed this enormous freckle on his wrist that he had never seen before that exact moment, so when he saw it, he just stared at it blankly while the beer poured effortlessly from his cup. He was simply shocked that there was this brand new freckle, dark, round, and so obvious that had just appeared on his wrist, and he couldn't believe it. He showed us the freckle, and our laughter turned into stomach-aching uproarious (sp?) hysterics as we stared at this newly born freckle. I have had new freckles that I noticed just one day, so I understood. To me, it was part of the reason it was so funny. As we were laughing and brimming tears, Laura had grabbed Drew's wrist, licked her thumb, and rubbed it against Drew's wrist. While we weren't even noticing, she declared in broken laughter, "It's just a piece of dirt!" Drew looks at his wrist and falls off the chair screaming and giggling. After we laugh for about five minutes, our faces hurting, our stomachs aching, I grabbed Drew's wrist and saw a perfectly clear, ivory wrist without a speck of color on it. All that shit, all that laughter of his ruining the carpet for a new freckle that turned out to be a drop of soil on his skin. So stupid, probably not funny. Sorry if it wasn't. It was DAMN funny if you were there. It helped also that ten minutes later my sister slipped about four steps down the stairs mid-conversation with the rest of us. That was pretty fucking funny too. Sorry you missed it.