Well, hello to all of you who cared to check back to see if I died or would ever come back here. Let me begin by saying that ATA should really consider changing their slogan from that "When you fly ATA, you're on vacation" to "Holy Shit, does our airline suck!" I just want to know if the people who run that airline sit around planning out ways they can redefine discomfort. I've seen those airplane seats in museums for medieval torture devices. I think the CEO just laughs at how many flights he can arrange to be delayed and not even have to worry about losing business because he or she knows that there will always be assholes like me out there that need to fly on short notice for something relatively reasonable in price. I hate ATA, and I HATE Chicago Midway airport. It's evil.

Well, it's been a long, long 6 weeks. I missed my bedroom. I missed quiet. Let's see what's happened over the past six weeks: I lost nearly 10lbs in 4 weeks, and gained it all back in one week's worth of McDonalds, pizza bites, vanilla cokes, and a total of 5ft in Slim Jims. I've learned that avocado is the greatest thing to eat in the entire world, and I think I could live on it. I learned that if you say out loud that mosquitos aren't biting anymore, they'll hear you, get angry, and give you 23 excruciating bites on your leg between your knee and your foot. I learned that you can still crave chicken when you eat it three times a day already.

Long six weeks. I just don't understand why the tan didn't stay. Seriously. I mean, I practically sat my ass on the equator for a month, I deserve a brown layer that should last a few months.

Okay, so, I'm me, which means I have to say something about my hair. I'm cutting it off. I don't know how, I don't know what it'll look like. I know that I have this hairstylist who's been doing my hair for five years, and she knows how thin it is, she knows the shape of my face, she's seen me through every hair color there is. She knows what will look best, so I'm just putting it in her hands. I think long hair is beautiful, and I feel very feminine and pretty with it, but I imagine it looking like Penelope Cruz's hair, when I know it looks more like whatever of her hair is in the drain after her shower. It is too thin and too dry. I could clean grills with this crap, and it's time to go. God, I hope it looks cute. If not, there's always bobbypins.

I need a nap, a shower, and a pumpkin ale. Hope all is well.