Ugh. Real World marathons. I don’t like them. I feel so much anxiety when that shit is on for so many reasons, and it’s nearly impossible to tear myself away. I didn’t watch my marathon. I had to practically destroy the TV to keep myself from watching the Chicago marathon for the millionth time, and I squeezed in some New Orleans today all while trying to desperately to change the channel. Those three seasons are the death of me. They make me feel so anxious, but I think I’ll be fine from here on out as far as that particular show goes. Melissa and I are feeling pretty good about the Challenge airing. It’s nice knowing you didn’t do anything fucked up that you have to forewarn people about.

I’m just reality-tv’d out. I’m really sick of it.

So, I had a decent weekend. I did get to see some of my old high school friends Ali, Michelle, and Audris, while getting to see a few old faces I haven’t seen in years. That was okay, but the whole night was pretty fucking miserable because so many assholes were there. I wanted to tell a whole story about it, but I’m getting really tense right now thinking about it, so I don’t know if I have the energy to rehash it. So, I’ll give the highlights. Basically, it was Audris’s birthday party, and she threw down a shitload of money and asked that everyone pitch in around $20. This goes to alcohol and food for the night, and come on, we all just graduated. None of us have the kind of money to go treating 60 people to a party. People need to pitch in. A very nice girl is dating this nightmare named Mike, and this little bastard was a cheap piece of shit who wouldn’t pay Audris the full amount since he pitched in for ice. ICE. Now, this rotten fucker has been on my shitlist since I’ve met the dude because he treats this girl like crap and is rude to her friends. I refuse to say hello or goodbye and make sure that any eye contact we accidentally have is laced with poison. I’m pretty sure he knows I hate him, but in case he doesn’t, I thought this would be my little way of letting him know. For now on, I’m charging him to be in our presence, and if he doesn’t pay, he can’t come near us. Stupid shit. I can’t stand this dude. I would’ve told him how I felt if my friends would have let me, but they don’t like people being upset. Sadly, this means they remain upset for everyone else, and try to get everyone else to have a good time. I don’t know about you, but I can’t have a good time if I know someone is upsetting my friends. Hey Mike, stop being such a mother-fucking penny-pincher, okay asshole?

Then there is Mike Suriano of Murray Hill, NJ. Now, this little fuck has always left a bad taste in my mouth in the ten years I’ve known him. Though he has consistently hung out with this group, I’ve witnessed him being a defensive, freaky shit making their lives uncomfortable enough times that he merited an eye roll when I heard he would be attending. So, poor Audris is under all this pressure because people are not paying. She asks me kindly to help get the money because she feels like a bitch, and she doesn’t want to upset anyone, but the girl isn’t made of money and needs to be paid back and understandably so. This group shows up and play all these beer drinking games. For those of you out there who drink, you know that guys playing drinking games sort of wipe out the kegs pretty fast. So, I turn to Ali’s cousin and friend and ask them to just reach in their pockets, get out the money, hand it over so we don’t have to worry about it and we can all have fun. They agreed, paid, and we continued with the fun. I walk up to Suriano. “Hey, Mike, can you just get some money out now so we don’t have to worry about it later when she’s checking her wallet?”

“Well, why do I have to do it now?”

“It’s just an awkward situation dealing with money, and rather than tomorrow morning when everyone is saying goodbyes asking people to dish out money, we’re just going to get it out of the way now.”

“Well, I’m going to give her money, I’m not going to just bail.”

“Okay, well, then just reach in your pocket now and it’ll all be done in three seconds. Your wallet is right there. Let’s just get this done,” I say wondering why this is becoming so difficult. Needless to say, our voices begin to rise and we went back and forth for a few minutes. I kept telling him that it wasn’t a big deal, so just pay and stop being so weird about it. He asked me why him and now, did I go to everyone else for money? I said I was going around the room, and he was the third person and I would move on after him. I asked if he would feel better if I got everyone else’s money first for some reason? He got angrier and angrier, refusing to pay now, that he didn’t have to, that this was bullshit, that he had only had a few beers so far. Ali asked him how many beers he would have before he thought he’d pay, and he started yelling. Everyone is looking at him and asking why he doesn’t just pay and get it over with. He gets all flustered and mad, won’t pay, throws his beer on the ground and starts fighting. In three seconds (the amount of time it would have taken for him to pay the money), there is a full blown fight going on with guys lunging at each other, other guys holding them back, and Audris and Michelle in tears. He never paid. Also, they finished the beer. So, though most of us paid $25, they wouldn’t contribute the $10 we asked for and turned the night into shit. I decided officially to never be in the same room as Mike Suriano again because he’s proven for the last time in a decade that he’s a piece of mother fucking trailer trash shit who dicks over his own “friends” on their birthdays. HER BIRTHDAY. Birthday girls NEVER pay. Audris wanted to forget about it, I said she should just forget about him. I called him retarted and a moron a few times, and then decided to fuck it. I’ll just speak my mind about him here, my designated home on the internet, and if any of you out there like to make prank calls for fun, do me a favor and call him and tell him he’s an asshole. He’s listed.

So, that was my weekend. I’m exhausted, and I’m two days away from surgery. I need something good on TV but there is nothing, and that is sad. I’ll write more when I get home. Hope your weekend was better than mine.