I need to never take for granted having heat in the winter and air conditioning for the summer. It's been so cold out of no where. One second I'm in the tank tops wearing MAC's studio tech NW35, and now I'm hunting for the sweaters and opening up NC30. Blush no longer brightens, but keeps me from looking like a cadaver. So, it's chilly in this apartment. It's drafty. Well, we finally put the heat on, and it's amazing how wonderful it feels when your fingers aren't cracking and your toes aren't turning blue. I remember the first day we got the air conditioner. It was a miracle. It was 90 degrees and humid. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't think. Once we threw this in the window, I could sleep, and it was amazing.

Golden Girls is on. It's not doing as much for me because I spent WAY too much time watching TV today. I miss my 11pm Friends. I don't like it gone.

So, tomorrow, it's back to work. It would be much easier if I had been notorious enough to get speaking engagements. I could sit around on my ass and live in the past, but I must say, I feel pretty good working for my cash. Don't feel anymore on the way to becoming something sophisticated, but at least I don't have to think about the show when I'm working. Whatever, this is what I'm dealt. I'm not making any money, so now I can work nights and pick up some dough while I figure out what I can do with my days. Besides, it's really nice having a flexible schedule. I can visit others if I need to, which is important to me.

Got a say, I'm hoping really fucking hard that it gets easier. Laura says she doesn't get nervous at all anymore at work. She says she never panics. I think I'll just be scared when it starts. That first hour gets rocky. I'm hoping I learn to like it. I mean, the drinks are not that hard. I just need to figure out the credit card thing a little faster and I'll be fine. Smooth sailing. What would I be afraid of? The worst that could happen is that a bunch of assholes give me shit and don't tip. If someone starts to give me shit, I'll tell them to fuck off…wouldn't get a tip anyway. I'll try to the pity route. Tell people I haven't done this in a while and that I'll do the best I can.

My arms are killing me. Tried a new workout routine suggested by this bartender at work who has the most amazing arms ever. I should have asked her if she eats too, because there are some things I won't give up for sculpted arms.

I hate when celebrities get too skinny. Helen Hunt in Pay It Forward is scary, she is so thin. And Monica on Friends in the later seasons. It's just not flattered. It's not, feminine. No one looks like women, just little boys. It gets in my head too, which I've discussed before.

Kelly Clarkson is singing on Leno. Great. That won't spiral me into depression. I met someone who thinks she should die. I didn't even know that there was anyone in the world that didn't love her voice. I just thought some things were objective. Guess not. My friend Laura was going to audition for American Idol 2 in New York tomorrow. I was going to go with her. My friend R.K. wanted me to audition, but I can't even if I thought the world wouldn't find that horribly pathetic to go from Real World to American Idol. You can't be associated with any other reality show, which makes perfect sense. Well, I was going to go with her anyway as an adventure. She got a miserable flu, so I'm not going, which is okay since it's probably below 30 degrees in NYC, and we'd be sitting outside for 8 hours. No good.

Shit, another bad Golden Girls. What is the deal? I'm going to have to throw in When Harry Met Sally again. Katie is giving me some amazing books soon. I could use riveting reads. I'm gonna go now. I have absolutely nothing interesting to say.