I'm watching the BC/Notre Dame game. I don't know if you know this, but there was a point in my life when I couldn't care less about football. That point being from when I was born to about a three months ago. However, I've always cared at least a little bit about this particular game. Last year at this time was a really fun weekend. Well, now that I understand how the game works, I can care a little more. The only problem is that BC is sucking serious dick right now, and it would be really fun for me if they won. First football game I watched by my own will, I would like to feel victory.

So, I haven't written in a while. I can't give a reason. I have no idea what I've been doing with myself. This week was ridiculously fast. Bartending is going okay. I made a whopping $50 yesterday. $10 an hour last night. I guess that's not miserable. It felt miserable. I had fun though.

Halloween was decent. I worked. Made a good deal of money, but had to deal with just WAY too many assholes. People just leaning over my bar to get my attention by hitting my arm. I'm sorry, it wasn't like I was leaning back reading a book. I was scrambling around getting drinks. Hitting me is the best way to have me never serve you. I will only hate you. How anyone thinks that's affective is beyond me.

Let's see, what else, what else. I'm in the process of writing a Random. I'll get to that later. I probably won't finish it until next Wednesday. I actually have shit to do, which is new for me.

So, I watched the entire BC ND game, and BC won. I completely understand why people love sports and why I've avoided it my whole life. I was jumping up and down, screaming and clapping. Screaming that some calls were bullshit. I was a sports fan for a few hours, and I have to say it was exhilarating. My stomach was in knots at times. Yeah, of course it's great…when you win.

Few problems though. There is always a loser. In the arts, the losers are pretty much based on personal reasons, but that's subjective. These are objective losers. I can't help but feel bad for them. Oly said something funny. They showed these clips of Notre Dame kids all worried and upset halfway through the game. Oly said, "You know what's so fucked up? I'm glad they're upset. And it's only because they go to that school." We don't hate Notre Dame students, but we sorta actually do when this one game is being played. Anyway, when the team you want to win loses, it really fucks up your day. It's just impossible to shake it off for a good amount of time. You get worried and excited and really pissed off during those things. I guess that's exhilarating, but you only really appreciate it if the end result is what you hoped for. Otherwise, it's like all this energy wasted, or tossed into negativity. I mean, I'm fucking exhausted from it.

Oh, I was on the radio last night. I walked past these guys from Kiss 108 and I told them that was my favorite station and the put me on the air. I just said my name and that I was bartending and having fun. Nothing big, but I was so damn excited. I thought it was so cool. So not worth mentioning here.

Unrelated: I feel really removed from the show. I don't consider myself the same person, and I definitely don't feel like I've been a Real Worlder. It really feels like something I did. Maybe because I don't do those speaking engagements. Oh wait, because no one asks me to do a speaking engagement. Shit, I hate those, but the money is ridiculous. I need a computer and I hate thinking that one stupid speaking engagement would pay for it. Instead I bust my ass and pray that I make enough in a week to feel like I'm being somewhat responsible. Money goes so fucking fast and comes so slowly. Whatever, that's something I talk about in the new Random.
I just feel so strange today. I might have a TV hangover. I spent the whole day in front of it, and I need to get out, but I feel trapped. I'm working, so I am leaving in a few minutes, but I still feel strange.

I don't know. My life feels strange. It doesn't feel like it's mine. I don't recognize anything. I don't recognize the feelings I'm feeling, the things I do, the thoughts I have. Everything feels bizarre and abnormal. It's not bad, but I have to say, I feel uncomfortable. I'm longing. That's one way to describe it. I feel so unsettled and disrupted. I don't know what I'm doing. I have so much to figure out. I have to go now. Wish me lots of cash tonight and kind customers.

I want to turtle.