Well, I've finally stopped crying, so I think I'm now ready to tell you how my first day as the day bar chick at my new job went, if you couldn't figure that out from the former part of this sentence. It was the worst first day I've ever had.

Let me begin by telling you I had the worst night sleep ever. It was filled with images of managers at work threatening to fire me. They are really a big fan of positive punishment rather than positive reinforcement. For those who have not studied psychology, I mean actively insulting us rather than encouraging us to do better. So, I woke up every hour on the hour afraid that I'd be late.

I've been hired for about two weeks. Since I was hired, I've been asking the managers how to open the bar in the morning so that when the day came, I would be able to do it without a hitch. After about a thousand don't-worry-about-it's and I'll-show-you-when-we-open's, I let it go, and just came into work this morning ready to learn. After sitting there waiting for the bar manager and general manager to finish with inventory, I got up and asked Rob (bar manager) where to begin, what my responsibilities were. He looked at me with an expression of complete annoyance and personal frustration and blurted out a list of things to do. However, he did not list them to be informative, to teach me how to open the bar. He rambled away with such anger that I didn't already know what to do. He did NOT say, "Okay, you need to do this, do that, etc," he said, "Well, did you fill the bins with ice, cut the fruit, etc." Did I? No, mother fucker, I didn't because no one has told me what i'm supposed to do. He barked out orders every other second. No, NOT teaching me what to do. In fact, no one has taught me anything there at all. So, after I finished doing all that I thougth I needed to do, I checked the alcohol to see if everything was there. "Rob, we're out of Blue Curaco, and there's only one Sloe Gin." (I had pointed out the Sloe Gin because another bartender told me how frequently ordered Alabama Slammers are, and that has sloe gin in it.) Rob replied, "You're not going to need that much sloe gin, and do you need blue curaco right now?" His sarcasm was laid on pretty thick because there was no one in the restaurant yet. "No," I said, "I don't need it, I was just wondering where I could get a bottle so I can restock it..." he cuts me off.

"LOOK, there are more important things than Blue Curaco, okay? Now, have you wiped the bar down yet?"

"no..." I mumbled and walked off to wipe the bar. It amazes me. I'm nearly 24 years old, and I still cry when an authority figure yells at me. I looked up to push back the tears. I was angry that he had been an asshole to me all morning. I've done nothing wrong. No one has taught me a thing, and everyone is mad at me and rolling their eyes. I received no training on how the place is run because I was hired three weeks after everyone else.

The bank came. $450 goes in the bank. Our general manager, Bill, puts the money in the register for me. I only count the quarters because they are loose, and I don't count the rest.

So, no one really comes in all day. A few people popped in for lunch, everyone except two people pay with credit card. It's generally a slow day. Apparently, I'm supposed to cut the fruit for all the stations. I wouldn't know this i I hadn't asked because no one tells me anything. It's a horrible situation though when I DO have to ask, because of the unbelievable looks I get for not already knowing the answer. I avoid questions whenever I can, but most often, it's impossible to know those answers. Anyway, the first guy who did come in wanted a soup first. There were two waitresses on. I know the soup is already made, you just have to put it in a cup. I don't think I'm supposed to leave the bar, so I'm waiting for someone to run the food out. No one does, so I ask a waitress, "Am I supposed to get the food." "Yeah," she giggles.

"Oh, God, I didn't know that, I thought someone would run it out for me." So, I go in and get the food. I do this all day (for the very few times anyone actually is in the restaurant). One of the owners runs past me with a stack of quarters and says he needs to exchange them for cash.

The owners later order some food. I found that it was taking too long, so I ran to the kitchen to check on the food. Rob comes in and yells at me for leaving the bar. When he comes back out, he says, "You can't leave the bar." I reminded him that I was getting the food for the people at my bar. He told me that I'm not supposed to be the one to run the food. I told him that I was told to run my own food. "Who told you that?"

"The waitstaff, " I muffled, not wanting to get anyone in trouble.

"No, I don't think the waitstaff told you that."

"Excuse me?" I said, confused by his implication that I am a liar.

"The waitstaff knows they are supposed to run it, so I don't think any of them told you that. Who told you?"

Again, not wanting to rat out anyone, I repeated that I had asked the staff today and that's what they told me. Actually, that was sort of ratting them out, but I had to answer the question.

"Well, why are you asking the waitstaff questions? Do they run this place? Are THEY in charge?"

"No, but I didn't know who ran the food, so I asked, and that's what they told me. I assumed they weren't lying and that they knew the answer."

He walked away. So, I offically decided. I hate Rob the bar manager. He's horrible. He's a complete asshole. I can't tell him there to his face because he's sort of my boss. So, I'm telling you all here. Rob is fucking piece of shit, and I hate him. There WILL be a day that I can tell him exactly how much I hate him and how he can fuck off, but until then, I'm just going to pray that he reads this or knows someone who does. Can't fire me for this, can he? I don't give a fuck. Assholes need to be told they are assholes.

So, I finally get to leave, and I need to count out the bank. There should be $450 plus whatever cash sales there were. There is less than $450. About $25 is missing. I begin by telling Gabe, the kind manager, that one of the owners exchanged quarters for cash. "Who?"

"I don't know who, he just ran past me while I was serving people and told me he was putting in quarters for cash," (which is obvious from there being $10 worth of quarters more than when we started that day.

"Someone who works here did that?"

"Yeah."

"Well, who then?"

"I don't know who it was..."

"Someone you don't know just came into the computer?"

"No, it was an owner, I just don't know who?"

"You don't even know who the owners are..."

"No, I KNOW them, I just don't remember which one it was, he ran past me and yelled out that he was exchanging it."

After much frustration, I realized that there was suposed to be one stack of 100 ones, 10 tens, $100 of fives, and there were supposed to be 4 sets of 25 ones, and then $50 worth of quarters when we started. Now, there was 90 tens and $60 worth of quarters and change, and only three stacks of 25 ones. This means that there only EVER WAS those THREE stacks of 25 ones, never the four, which would have equaled $75 ones. Because the GM messed up in counting this morning and because I did not double check the bank, I am responsible for the $25 that was never put in. They took it from my tips. I had only made $30 that day. So, though the restaurant did not lose any money, but only put in less bank in the morning, and I didn't call it out - I had to pay them $25 dollars. So, after the shittiest day of being disrespected, reprimanded, bored, and hungry, I only made $5.

One extra perk - I did not feed the meter in time, so I got a $25 parking ticket.

8 hours of work and all to show for it is my losing $20. I only made $20 last night. I broke even. If I had no job, and hung out in my cozy bedroom over the last two days, I'd be financially in the same exact spot as I am right now. I'm very sad.

Time has passed a little. The day doesn't sound as bad as it feels. I thought of something that makes me feel better, but it's a horrible thing to feel better about: since I won't be making any money, gaining a little skill at bartending at the VERY most - I should be able to sleep well tonight because if I sleep through my alarm and I get fired - all I'm losing is no money and a little skill-learning, and time with some of the biggest assholes I've ever had to deal without being able to tell them how much I hate them whenever I feel like it.