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Okay, new record. I woke up at 3pm. Haven't done that since
I lived in NYC. I've been pretty exhausted though, and I didn't
get to sleep until 6am, so whatever.
What can I do in two hours...hmm. I should go grocery shopping,
fix the dent in my car, get some presents in order, go to the
gym. I have a feeling I'm not doing any of that today. Instead
I'm eating beef jerky and watching the Brady Bunch. Aaahh...to
be lazy.
Last night was an amazing night at work. It didn't feel amazing.
I was feeling pretty bad about myself at first. I started to
get that old familiar feeling that I wasn't doing what it right.
Though I know I won't be waiting tables forever, I still felt
like there was so much potential in me that I was no where near
tapping into. All this is true, but I was soon distracted because
I had a million tables and they were all filled with friends
of the owners. Scary. I was SO not in the mood to smile and
be chipper, but I had to "impress." Feels strange
to try to impress others by being the best waitress around.
I mean, it's pretty fucking standard. You ask them what they
want and you give it to them. Not impossible. Anyway, I turned
on the charm as was greatly rewarded. I walked out with a fat
wallet, and it definitely healed my insecurity a bit. Sad how
money can do that. Well, maybe when I have more of it coming
in at a regular pace, I won't have to worry about it controlling
my attitude for the day.
Oh, I didn't get my tape for tonight's episode, and I have work
tonight, so the review may not be up until tomorrow. Sorry about
that. I hate when the world sees it before me. I feel exposed
if I don't know what other people are watching.
Other than that, things are decent. Not great. It may have felt
better if I had accomplished something today. Look at me, I
can't even write anything interesting. Let's hope tomorrow is
better. I'm going to go and figure out a way to feel a little
better because I can feel that I'm talking myself into being
depressed or something. Not good.
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