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Oh God, I want
to die. Oh, it's later in the night, I posted earlier today.
I also posted my write-up on Puck's
Wedding. So, check that out.
Anyway, I'm exhausted. My traveling has finally caught up on
me, and I'm hitting some serious wall right now. I would love
to crawl into bed and listen to nice music, read my new Pat
Conroy (No, I haven't finished Owen Meany, and I'm aware that
I should have finished it a long time ago), and doze off into
sleep. However, there is some weird western sounding music blaring
beneath my feet because my roommates are having a party? Or
are just hanging out? I don't know. They're having fun, which
is great, and they don't exclude me or anything (I usually exclude
myself), but I'm constantly put into this position where I'm
either forced to suffer through not being able to chose my own
bedtime because I'm in some sort of party house or be the lame
chick that not only says I don't want to hang out, but don't
want anyone ELSE to hang out if it means that there is zero
consideration for the sound level. Sure, I could confront the
issue by going downstairs and telling the group of happy people
that they need to keep it down, but then I'm that girl. I shouldn't
care about being "that" girl since I'm living in "that"
house - but it's not like I would EVER want it to be loud. I
kind of want to be like, "Can you guys keep it quiet all
the time for the rest of my life?" I've been blaring my
music over theirs to shut out that sound, but I don't WANT to
blare loud music. I want to relax and sleep. I don't think I'll
be doing that until I move to LA. God, if I were rich, I'd do
anything to live alone...in a house...in the country with no
neighbors for miles around. I'm thinking about this situation
from many angles - one being that my roommates do read this,
so this is a sort of passive aggressive confrontation. I could
talk to them about it or I can talk to them via the whole world
being able to see the conversation. Still, I'm left with this
as my favorite option only because I feel like venting and this
is my favorite place to do it. I mean, seriously, I'm not a
"keep it down" type of girl because I like the idea
of being able to be loud whenever I want, but I don't do that.
It's also Friday night at 2am, but again, I don't think I care.
I want it quiet when I want it quiet, and there's nothing wrong
with that really, right? Since they do read this, I technically
AM being that lame girl who wants to end everyone's fun, but
it's different writing it here then literally turning off the
music or saying, "Guys, Um...I really want to sleep."
I hated whenever I had to keep it down when I didn't want to
back in the days when I liked being loud late at night. Tricky
situation. The only solution - I'm just going to hate my life
right now. My life is not bad and it doesn't even suck, really.
THIS sucks. Every time a song ends, I think that it's over,
and my head clears. Then an even worse song starts, and I want
to cry. I hate it here. I need to live with Katie for my remaining
days in Boston. I would have so much peace.
Katie, do you read these? Are you mad at me? You haven't responded
to my IMs.
Okay, I have When Harry Met Sally on. I think my 5000th time
watching it, and it makes me happy every time. Maybe I can pretend
I'll never sleep again.
I'm miserable.
Addition..
One of my roommates did the work for me...well, for herself,
but she called me for back-up. She was more upset than I was,
and she stormed downstairs and just screamed at them. Wow. I'm
a seriously weak piece of shit sometimes. Not ONLY did I not
have the balls to do that, I didn't even have the balls to stand
there bravely and support HER yelling. I stood behind her, literally,
and hid in my sweatshirt. Confrontation makes me SO nervous,
I think it's like a pathological problem with me how much I
hate confrontation. I think I'm actually incapable sometimes.
I just hate trouble. |
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