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After a night
of believing I was going to die as the poison pumped through
my blood leaving it as thin as it can be while surviving, and
then after a morning of dry-heaving and wondering if I'll ever
be able to keep food down again - all from the first birthday
party I have thrown myself in years, which I was unable to attend
because I tried to have too much fun in the first hour and was
forced to do nothing but sob and puke before the rest of my
friends even had a chance to show up - after all of this, I
would do anything in the world to not have to spend my night
cocktailing some stupid party at work, but the manager on duty
happens to be the one manager who chose to have a heart of ice.
The lack of sympathy after I told this person that I had been
vomiting all morning and couldn't keep any food done was astonishing.
Yes, I am aware that this is all my fault, but I'm also aware
that I've never given this place a hard time, and I've never
called in sick before to any job in my life. I thought I could
get a break here, but I didn't. It made me think about my job
again, and how I need it to pay the bills, but how silly and
insignificant it is. I mean, there is someone scheduled to be
on call, why couldn't this person come in? I'm a waitress. This
manager made it seem like I was letting the world down if I
couldn't come in and walk around asking people if they want
anything only to hear them say, "No, we've already gotten
our drinks from the bar." Part of me hopes I faint tonight,
or maybe puke right in front of my manager, right in front of
the entire party. I want whoever is in charge of the party to
ask me if I'm alright, and I want to tell them that I tried
to call in sick, but my manager replied, "You don't SOUND
sick enough."
I'm tired and feeling weak. Again, all my fault. Being "sick"
for this reason is not really a good enough reason to call in
sick, but when you're shaky and exhausted, you just can't fucking
work. However, I have a feeling that if I hear the words "real
world" tonight, I'm going to puke again, but for a very
different reason. There just are some days that I cannot stomach
being asked about this goddamn show. Also my fault - I'm the
one who went on TV.
It was strange day, yesterday, my birthday. It was all over
the place. Up and down. I managed to lose both my ATM card and
my license. I did not lose them the same way. In fact, I have
no idea when I lost my license or how. Not even a clue. I never
take it out of my wallet or keep it in another place. I just
went for it, and it wasn't there. This I discovered at my birthday
dinner when I tried to order a glass of wine. I was close to
home, so I went and got my passport. I needed to get a new license
this morning, but the only time I could even make it as far
as the bathroom was when I was just about to throw-up.
There I was, at the beginning of a party where all my family,
old, and new friends were attending. Everyone was in good spirits.
I was on cloud 9. I haven't been in a room of this many people
who all know me pretty well and like me in a long time. It meant
the world to me that everyone was coming. I was so excited.
Too excited. Having not eaten enough all day, having done four
shots in less than an hour because they were there, they were
handed to me, they were gifts - it was only a few minutes later
that I was on the floor, and then only a few minutes later that
I was in the bathroom, and then only a few minutes later when
my sisters literally carried me out of my own goddamn birthday
party. I didn't even make it a full hour. Half my friends were
still on the way. I was home, in bed, wondering if the room
would ever stop spinning.
In an hour, I have to throw on my stinky uniform. I get to show
up and see the manager who has definitely earned the nickname
this person has had. I mean, it's just waitressing. Anyone off
the street can do what I have to do tonight. The idea that they
need me to come when there is someone scheduled to come in if
someone calls in sick - it's just ridiculous. I got this line,
"You were chosen to come in to work this party for a reason."
Really, asshole? Because I wasn't scheduled for this night at
all. I covered someone else's shift. I wasn't supposed to work
at all.
There were some nice things about yesterday. I had a beautiful
breakfast. I received some lovely gifts. I had a fun time at
dinner. I loved the hour that I can remember of the party. I
had a really good workout in the afternoon. I got a manicure
and a pedicure. It wasn't a horrible day. But doesn't it just
feel horrible when you miss a good party? Doesn't it feel worse
when the party was yours? It's just sort of sad. I'm not really
embarrassed. I was...horribly so, but now, I'm just sort of
sad about it. I wasn't going to try to write something funny
about it, but I'm not feeling funny. I feel like I love health,
I love sobriety, I love feeling fresh and awake. I hate alcohol.
Even the thought of a pleasant glass of wine makes me feel queasy.
We should talk about American Idol. Julia Demoto. I'm sorry,
but I'm standing by this whole family-in-the-mafia thing because
I don't see how this chick receives a single compliment on the
planet. Her face and hair DID look much better. Other than that,
ugh. I don't understand. Snooze. Also, Simon makes a joke about
how short her skirt is, and she snaps back, "Well, your
opinion doesn't matter." I really hate this girl. She fucking
sucks. Kimberly Caldwell, though I'm not the biggest fan of
personality, I think she did great. I think she looked great,
even though I don't understand that whole pants tucked in the
boots thing that she and J.Lo so much enjoy. Ruben is the most
adorable creature on the planet. I wish him the best. He's the
only one up there who seems like he loves music - not himself.
I think every single one of Simon's comments were right on the
money. Clay - though I love him, is indeed Motown the Musical.
He belongs on Rent, and I'm sure he'll have that career without
a single problem. I think a bunch of them wore total bores:
Kimberley Locke, Ricki Smith, Trenyce. I think Charles was adorable
and I love him. I'm looking forward to tonight's picks.
I have to get dressed for work. God, this sucks so badly. |
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