Sorry I haven't written much lately. I've been feeling kind of crappy emotionally. Same 'ol, same 'ol. Just the everpresent frustration of having no idea what I want to do for a living, even just for now. Then the good old fear of whether or not I'll ever make enough money to get the next few months settled. I'm starting to miss school more and more, and I can FULLY appreciate why so many people take the dive right into grad school when they don't even know what they want to go to grad school for. Anything to delay this kind of bullshit.

I was thinking about how before I went to Palm Springs for the Casting Special for my season, I had to finish all my finals early. All five of my classes had take home exams that I finished a week early - even two days earlier than I needed to. So, by the beginning of study days, before most people even began opening their notebooks to study for finals, I was all done, slapping the dust all my palms and leaning back in my chair. I thought about how good it felt to staple together whatever I was handing in - that feeling of completing something that I worked hard on, that I was proud to turn in. God, what satisfaction! Do people ever feel that way again in real life? Do people ever feel relaxed and proud of something they just accomplished, or is it just one stress after another, all overlapping?

Something nice - did I tell you my neighbor plays piano? Very talented, whoever this person is, and I woke up this morning to him or her playing something classical - very beautiful. I love that. Greatest neighbor EVER.

Anyway, it's become clear that the money I make now doesn't add up. I make money, then it's gone. My bank account is not growing, and it's barely even maintaining. It's shrinking more rapidly than I would like. Basically, I'm spending more than I make - the opposite of comfort and responsibility. So, I'm getting a second job. Because of the traveling that I do, I need something temporary, so I called the temp agency three girls at work use. The woman on the phone made me feel like shit. She's asking me about my expertise and my professional experience. I'm thinking, "Aren't you a temp agency? If I knew what I wanted to do long term, I'd be out trying to do that." When she asked me what area I was interested in, I tried to make some jokes about how anything OTHER than waitressing would do, but she didn't seem to find me very funny. In fact, she was quite annoyed with me.

<phone ring>

I'll write more later when I get home. I'm going to get a milk stout and some spinach dip with Laura and Min.