Not feeling too hot. I don't feel terrible though. I was hung over, but I'm okay now. One of my tonsils is swollen, the other okay. My voice is completely gone.

I've realized that I've been clinging to some aspects of my past without realizing it. Though I haven't been completely submerged like I used to be, I've been "around" it too much, and I've over-stayed my welcome. Last night, a lot of things were made clear that were complete disappointments. Have you ever valued something so much that when it seems like other people don't value it as much as you did, you feel completely offended and hurt? Things aren't what they used to be, and when I tried with all my good intentions to pull things back together, to pump a little more passion and loyalty into my cause, I ended up just screaming at everyone around me and making a fool of myself. Now, I'm sort of throwing up my hands and thinking, "Just forget it." I don't feel comfortable around the group that I thought I was once an important part and contributor. I feel like I've been pushed away and that I've pushed myself away as well. The family that I was a part of is not united across generations, and it's clear that I need to step back and let it take its course on its own. There is a very thick line that has been drawn, and I feel like I was stupid to cross it, to even bother. It's time to move on and not care so much about what I've left behind. It's not about the group, but the friends I've made from it, so I guess you just take those friends and keeping moving.

This summer will be very interesting. I don't think it'll be the best summer of my life, but I think it'll be memorable because it will indeed be quite unique. I'll be the most I've ever worked and for reasons unlike I've ever had. I'm collecting cash to prepare for a total change in my life. A new place, a new beginning. I feel like this summer will serve as the link between an old world and a new one. It will be packed with constant planning, stress, confusion, and time racing me to the finish line. I'm excited and scared. I'm scared about how tired I'll be. I'm scared about how panicked I'll feel with the clock ticking down to how much time I have left in this city surrounded by best friends and family whom I trust and adore. I don't know what will happen in the future. It's a great feeling though, a future to look forward to. It sounds scary to look ahead in your life and wonder if every day will be exactly the same until you die.

Jack and Tyson are back from their aunt's who watched them while I was away. Tyson doesn't look too good. The ride home was bumpy, and I just changed their water, so I'm sure he's feeling disoriented. Jack's great. He's swimming around having a grand 'ol time. Tyson's sort of hiding under the plants. I know they like small places, maybe he's just taking a nap.

Oh, yesterday I rode around my bike (the one we won from sitting on ice). SO fun. I haven't been on a bike for over 10 years, I think. My ass is killing me from the seat though. How does that get any better? Do I have to get one of those gel covers for it? I mean, it seriously hurts. It was fun though. It's nice being able to get around so quickly without your car. I like walking and running for exercise, but with a bike, you can really get somewhere. If it weren't raining and cold, I would take my bike to work. I have no idea how long of a ride that would be, but how convenient? Don't have to worry about parking or meters or garages. So great.