I’m at the temp agency right now. I kind of like this whole hanging here thing. If it paid more than $9 an hour, I’d want to just get a job here, or at least just hope that I never get sent out. Nonetheless, today should be a nice, simple day. I’m going to do a bunch of tutorials, go home, exchange my shoes for a larger size at Payless, and maybe head on over to a department store and buy some work clothes.

I’m horribly dressed, and I think I’m going to be slightly self-conscious about it all day. I don’t know what happened. The outfit I had planned to wear didn’t work out because those shoes didn’t fit at all (God, I’m really worried they won’t exchange them), and so I had to throw on these pants last minute. I put on another pair of my news shoes, these being very comfortable, but I’m realizing that they won’t suffice for work at all, which was really the only reason I bought them. I think they’re cute, but I think I know they’re not cute according to the rest of the world, so I’m wondering if I’ll wear them much. They were only $14. I can wear them with jeans, I guess. Jeans – I wish you could wear those to work. Anyway, back to my dressing horribly. These pants are linen – drawstring. I think you can see my underwear through them. They hang a little too low, and I can’t get them up around my waist, so my shirt keeps coming untucked. It’s just a white shirt, but I’m thinking they don’t go together well at all. When I walked outside, I realized that it’s pretty cold. I don’t own any professional-looking jackets, so I grabbed my leather coat. I’m pretty positive that you can’t wear a leather jacket with linen pants – something about opposing materials, so basically, I look like a mess. This other girl came in around the same time I did. Her outfit is amazing. She has the most adorable pink jacket. Her shoes are just standard, and I’m realizing that I did see shoes like that at Payless, but they looked so boring and ugly on the rack, but now I wish I had them. My lack of sophisticated clothes is really starting to weigh on me. I really wanted to go home right after work and take care of a few things in my apartment, but it’s clear that shopping is a priority. I don’t have enough good clothes to get me through the week. I feel kind of stupid about it. Up until now, the only clothes I needed were for college (and I’m not one to dress up for class), a few reality shoes, and either my trash clothes for when I worked at a club or my uniform for the restaurant where I currently work. With the exception of one summer when I worked at a hospital, I haven’t had the need to get work clothes. Now, I feel like an asshole. I think I want to go shopping on my lunch break. H&M is just around the corner. Best clothes ever?

Every time another person walks in the door, I’m reminded of how ridiculous I look. Maybe if I just act confident in what I’m wearing, I’ll get a way with it. Right now though, I feel like this really sucks.
I really don’t want to be sent out today. I like hanging around this place.

Okay, so I may have decided upon a future. I’m not going to talk about it yet, not for a while, not until I’ve set a few things in motion because it just seems like really bad luck to share my plans to thousands of readers before I’ve actually made those plans, but if it does start to move forward and actually happen, I’ll tell how the idea of what I may want to be “when I grow up” came to me. It’s just kind of funny how things happen.
These shoes are stupid. Why where heels this high to work? Dumb.

I’m looking out the window at people to get an idea of outfits. As it turns out, no one is giving me ideas. Looks like I’m just supposed to stock up on button-downs, maybe get like 9 white ones because that’s all I’ve been seeing.
The temp agent just told me that he’s pretty sure I’ll be sent out today. That will most definitely interfere with my H&M plans.

Aren’t sore throats just miserable? I have one right now. I feel like someone drove a plow across my throat. So painful.

I’m not completely worried about this summer because I’m hoping that between two jobs, I’ll be able to save up enough for the move, but I start playing those mental games where I create all these situations where the money won’t be coming in. It’s looking like I won’t be finding a temp job for much more than $10 an hour, which wouldn’t be horrible if it weren’t for damn taxes. Recently, me and RK have been wondering why anyone looks at their salary in terms of “before taxes.” I mean, really doesn’t it only matter how much money YOU get? If 40% goes to taxes (which is so unfuckingbelievably high, and now I understand why people want to know exactly where every cent of their tax dollars are going because that’s just bullshit), then you really don’t end up putting too much in the bank. $500 a week is just fine considering I’ll be doing something completely mindless with no training and no real commitment, but if it really only works out to being around $300 a week, then I’m thinking I’m in trouble. If all we EARN gets 40% taken out, then why can’t all we buy be 40% less? (I don’t know, it made sense a second ago.)
Anyway, I have this second job that is VERY promising. (In terms of hard cash, not a future in that business, and I’m not talking about the restaurant.) It sounds like I can make a lot of money (doing shit I HATE to do and being in crowds of people I HATE to be in, but there are dollar-signs in my eyes and that’s all I care about this summer), so I’m just PRAYING it works out. A lot of things could go wrong – one being rain (I’ll explain later), but the weather makes a big difference in my earnings, and sometimes I think God likes to make it rain when it’s really necessary for it to be sunny.

I’m trying to figure out exactly what I could do if the money doesn’t come in this summer like I desperately need it to. Really, what do you do when you NEED money that you don’t have? Borrow? From whom? Ugh. I’m not going to stress though. I’ll just have to figure something out. I don’t know what, but I’m going to have to anyway.


...it's later, and I'm home now. I wrote that upper part at 8am, and now it's just about 7pm. I'm pretty tired, but I feel pretty good because it's the most beautiful day Boston could ever give. Not a cloud in the sky and 75 degrees. So great.

I'm going to relax a little bit and clean my room. Talk to you all later.