Sitting on that block of ice in Jamaica was above and beyond worth it because that bike is my new favorite thing - and I haven't really had a new favorite thing in a long while. I never knew how amazing bikes are as an adult. You know, I had one when I was a kid, and I did enjoy riding it, but I never saw it as convenient or useful. You just rode a bike because that's what kid's do. Recently, I'm becoming a bike person. I just got a new bike seat and a hard core lock. I want to get a basket for it, even though I know that's 10-year-oldish. I want a water holder thingy too. Well, yesterday, I took my bike over to the Charles River and laid out with my Harry Potter for a few hours. What a wonderful day. Man, bikes are just the absolute greatest. And you can park them anywhere. I hate driving now. I take my bike at every opportunity.

Such a great day followed by such an annoying night at work. Actually, my mood stayed up the whole evening, but now after my 3 and half hour sleep and I'm sitting in my cubicle listening to on-hold music, wondering if anyone's going to fix the damn copier machine so I can finish up my other thing to do, I'm starting to feel irritated about last night. Thing is, it's a great job (for now, for the summer). The owners and management are just SO great. The absolute best. And I told you how everyone working there is just SO nice. It's a good place, and I'm lucky to
be working somewhere so lucrative and so stress-free as far as the staff goes, but MAN, my face hurts from smiling, and my soul hurts from dealing with so much of that shit and harassment. God, I'm so worn out from
grinning and bearing the rude and obnoxious comments that by Monday, I just don't feel like keeping up with common courtesies. Like, I don't want to fucking smile at someone just because we made eye contact and we're getting into the same elevator. Whatever, we're just going to a different floor at the same time, why do we have to pretend like we're best friends. Can't we just ignore each other? It's MONDAY morning, and I just want to get through it. I mean, there are a billion people in the office building, and if I need to go to the bathroom, I need to get my energy up to give bullshit grins to about thirty people between my desk and peeing. Jesus Christ, can't
I just go to the bathroom?

Now, I know that just because I'm in a bad mood (not even so much a bad mood, just don't feel like pretending I'm in a good mood) doesn't mean that I should be rude to everyone. It pisses me off when someone is having a bad day and they think it's their god-given right to take it out on everyone around them. But I think when you're not in the mood to be nice, it's fine to keep your head down and keep to yourself. You don't want to upset anyone else, but you don't want to be cheery, so you isolate yourself because then you're not poisoning others with your irritation.

But being tired...man that'll just kill you.

This move is coming up so fast. I knew it would feel fast, but this is ridiculous. SO many emotions involved that I refuse to face this situation head-on. It's overwhelming. I'm just riding with the current here, letting it wash me along. I try not to focus on the goodbye's because when I do that, I'm practically holding a blade to my wrist. Instead, I imagine myself in my beautiful new apartment, decorated in a fashion that makes me proud, on the phone everyday with my sisters and mom, talking to all my friends every week and being completely up to date with their lives. Still emailing Katie and Oly at my desk (but having to wait three hours for them to get into their offices at 9am) I try to remember that everything really will be okay when I panic. My only problem will be that once I get out there, I will be SO eager to be a part of a life there. I'll want my job, my favorite coffee shop, my favorite bars. I'll want my apartment decorated down to the matching soapdish. I'll want to feel adjusted, I'll want to feel like LA is my own. I hate that I'll have to go through the inevitable transition period. Ugh. All that crying. All that missing Boston. All that feeling disconnected. Can't I just jump into a life? I mean, it may happen. I guess it's not impossible to NOT be miserable when trying to adjust. I jumped into college just fine. Only that first day was
bad, but by the end of the week, life was fantastic. I mean, it's not like I don't know anyone out there. Having a job would just really help things out. Gotta get one of those.

Let's see, what the hell else has been going on? God, Monday's suck so bad. They're just so bad. And it's weird because Monday can be exhilarating if you work it right. See, if it's about Thursday and I haven't gone to the gym yet, then I think, "Well, it's already the weekend sort of, so I'll just start a good workout schedule on Monday." It's that whole fresh-on-Monday bullshit that we keep falling for. So, if I don't go to the gym on Monday, I feel like I'm screwed for another week.

Ugh, gotta run...talk lata.