I got a lot of encouraging mail, which made me feel bad. I didn't mean to be a pity-case. I'm sorry if I made anyone think they needed to defend themselves or prove to me that not everyone is assholes. You guys have been very sweet. I appreciate that. I was just venting. I know that it's not the end of the world and that people are good (or some are.) It's just that even if some people are good, they still can suck.

Like me for example - doing EXACTLY what I bitched about yesterday. I was so mad that I didn't have money for a powerbar at the gym, and I was so annoyed that the ATM wasn't working in the gym, that I was a raving bitch to the guy behind the counter. A nice guy that I just don't feel comfortable around at all, that brings out the hostility in me no matter what the circumstance. Even if he does creep me out, he didn't do anything to deserve my bitchiness, so I tried to be very cheery in my please and thank-you's after that, but it didn't work. He was already offended, and I couldn't bring myself to apologize because that would solidify the awkward exchange. So, I became a hypocrite once again. Sad.

Tonight I hung out with a a few of my favorite people, but we couldn't get settled in one place. No problem, really. Still happy to be with them, but you know when nights don't fit into place? You know when you feel like you could have done something to make everyone feel more secure in the bar we chose?

And then we were waiting in line to get into this one bar. I'm sitting on the bench with Katie, and several bouncers (sp?) come up and start questioning me about the Real World. Then one says, "Trying to use the Real World to get in to the bar?" I know he was part kidding, but hello? I was sitting on a bench. I wasn't exactly running around saying, "Don't you know who I am?" But still, after three of these bouncers came up to us and introduced themselves and started talking about the show, me and my friends were like, "Well, can we get in then?" And they were all like, "No." I don't mean to be a snob, but don't be up a person's butt whether or be flirtation with one of the short-skirted girls in line or a girl because you saw her on your TV screen once, and then be like, "See ya!" It's just in bad form. I know that sounds snobby, but whatever. I've had enough beers to not give a shit. I mean, I would never bring up the stupid show, but since he did, I thought he'd at least hook us up. Goes to show that the stupid show doesn't do a thing for you. Never audition for that shit, people. You live the same damn life, but you end up having people laugh at you for not having more. It's bullshit. You're made to feel embarassed if you don't go on to be a normal person. I mean, how fucked up is that? No wonder so many reality kids try to be celebrities. Most are afraid of being LAUGHED at for returning to school. Isn't that bullshit?

Anyway, I'm annoyed about other shit that I won't mention here. Let's just say I'm dealing with a whole new set of bullshit, shit I haven't discussed here. I'm going to write a book about it though. So, check it out in stores in about 30 years.

I'm not spell-checking. I'm too irritable. I'm also too annoyed at myself for all this woe-is-me shit I keep pulling. Great. Now even I annoy me.