It's a great feeling when someone can relate to you. I mean, that's probably the most obvious statement ever made, but nonetheless, I want to talk about it. I think it's common to feel as though you're crazy. You feel like you're doing something wrong, feeling something wrong, and that's when the loneliness sets in. You start asking yourself, "What the hell is WRONG with me??" And then you have a conversation with someone who knows exactly how you feel, and you just want to jump up and down and scream, "YEESS!! I KNOW! That's exactly what I mean!" I was talking to Katie about how much this search sucks because I don't know where to start. She knew exactly where I was coming from. Such a nice and refreshing feeling. Everyone else is all, "Well, what do you want to do? Well, what do you THINK you'd want to do?" I DON'T KNOW!!! What do you do? You like it? Cool, I'll do that then.

This whole job search thing has been so difficult mainly because I don't know where I'm looking. Like walking up to a travel agent saying, "I want to go somewhere."

"Well, where would you like to go?"

"I don't know. Somewhere I've never been."

Puzzled, the travel agent would reply, "Okaaaayy...well, would you like to go somewhere warm or cold?"

"Not totally sure."

"Did you want to just relax on a beach, or see and do lots of cultural things?"

"Both sound pretty great."

"Do you want to travel far or stay somewhere close?"

"As long as I haven't been there, I don't really mind. Everywhere sounds great to me. Just send me there, and then I'll know if I like that kind of place."

That wouldn't go over too well. You wouldn't get very far, and no one would be able to help you. Or what if you've never eaten anything before and you had to pick one meal for now. Spicy, mild, cold, hot, soft, hard, creamy, sticky, crumbly, sweet, salty? Who knows? But you have to pick one. Sure, you can pick another one later, but you have to put a lot of energy and time into one first.

This is my job search in a nutshell. Here I am meeting with friends, searching online, and I'm looking up every category there is on the list because I don't know. I'll do anything, and I'll probably appreciate anything as long as it's new and I'm learning something and doing something productive. But how to get help? Where do you begin? So, you just have to pick something and go with it. It really does sound SOOO easy, doesn't it?

Even better analogy - dating. Let's say you never dated anyone before. Now, you are handed a list of names with maybe a paragraph description. No pictures, nothing. From these tiny blurbs, you need to pick one and go for it. No, you can't just dump him if you don't have initial chemistry on your first day with him. You can't even quit him after a week or even a month. You need to ride it out and put a lot of work into this relationship, learning how it works, exploring different sides of it. You need to find something you love about it, make the best of it because you're learning something here, and this guy is going to be paying your rent and buying your meals. Of course, there is a chance that you'll fall in love right off the bat, but the point is, you don't know. You don't know what his type is, you don't know what your type is, but you have to commit to him. No cheating. No testing out the other guys to see if they fit better. For right now, this is your boyfriend. So, let's just hope that whatever name you picked because everyone told you you had to go with someone since you didn't know anything about these different types of guys, let's just hope it's the right one...or at least good enough.

I don't know what I'm shooting for just yet, but it's getting really close here. If another week goes by and nothing even seems to be moving in any direction at all, I'm just going to head over to that temp agency and start doing anything at all. Girl's gotta work.

An issue I'm currently having right now that concerns me is my old landlord. He never picks up the phone and he never calls me back. I don't know how to get my security deposit back from him. I don't know how to force him to respond to me. My roommate's a lawyer. I'll ask her about it. Maybe her firm can sue him for me...for free. You're reading this? What do you say? Ask your boss. Anyway, that money is a lot, and it's important. He's a terrible person, that guy. Rotten old man. I'll get that money from him, but I really just don't know how.

It's late. Back to Da Vinci and his crazy code.