I've never been an athlete. Well, I've always been relatively athletic, but never an athlete. Outside of gym class, the last sports team I've ever been a part of was this town softball team when I was in second grade, if that. I never really followed any particular professional team in any sport in my whole life. There wasn't a lot of watching a game with the family. We never talked about sports. I only learned how football works a year ago (and it's a shame because I would have really enjoyed BC football games if I knew anything about the game).

But even with this lack of history in sports, I have to say, I was truly sad tonight when the Red Sox lost. I was bummed about the Cubs only because the best guy in the world is from there, and it meant absolutely everything in the world to Chicago for them to make it to the World Series. All those horrible images of the old woman sobbing her eyes out in the stands decked out from head to toe in her Cubs clothes. Then those close-ups tonight of that pitcher who got called out...close-ups all the way to his eyes. So so sad. But I know how Boston feels about their sports, and Boston people are so amazing...they just deserved it so bad.

So, to both Boston and Chicago, you did well. I'm sorry it didn't happen.

Unrelated completely and entirely...There are so many little things I really want, but are so stupidly expensive and should in NO way cost that much. Example: I would like to buy a nice M.A.C. case to keep all my make-up very clean and organized, but there is no way in HELL I'm paying $300 for a fucking box. Why do these stores do this to us? Why? Where are all the kind stores that sell quality products at reasonable prices?

OH...I saw this girl I went to summer camp with the other day. Not a normal summer camp, but one designated for musical theatre. Yes, an art camp. Where all the future students of NYU Tisch go to build up their skills, resume, and egos. I may have talked about that experience before. It's one very treasured in my life, where I have extremely unique and fond memories of performing. Socially, it was an absolute nightmare, and that hillside saw more of my tears in six weeks than the rest of my adolescent years put together and doubled. I had a boyfriend there of like a month or something, which was a big deal when I was 16. He was horrendous to me most of the time before he moved onto completely ignoring me until I dumped him (because he didn't want the guilt of dumping me. Such a pussy thing to do). Just so you know what happens - because this isn't the point of mentioning it - we eventually moved on to become very good friends, but I haven't seen him or spoken to him in a good five years, but I know he's doing very well as he has made it to a successful Off Broadway show called Zanna Don't that has had great reviews, and its CD has just been released and is popular because the show also stars one of the guys from Queer Eye. Anyway, I saw this girl randomly the other night that I haven't seen or spoken to at ALL since I was 16. Wow, that's a really long time. She looks NOTHING like she did at all, which I guess is to be expected, but the thing is, I look similar enough to be recognized from then. She did not. Not even close. It was fucking weird. She's out here acting, as I should expect. I may have been the only one from that camp who didn't go into entertainment at all (reality not counting.) I didn't get to talk to her at all because she was doing laps networking the party, which is a shame because I KNOW she'd have so much dirt on all those other kids who went. I know she still talks to them.

It was one of those weird ass camps where people make all their best friends THERE instead of at school or from home. Camp friendships are so creepy, aren't they? Not only were kids losing their virginity there, but I knew two people who lost it only a few cots away from me while I was sleeping. EEWWWW...nasty! I didn't hear because the camp was in the mountains, and it was FREEZING at night, so they only way to keep from losing your voice was to keep your head under your covers while you slept. (The first year I went, I slept with my head out and got laryngitis during audition days. Depressing.)

I remember waking up to the loud speaker at like DAWN! I didn't get up that early during the school year. Why the hell should I get up that early at camp? Oh, and there's that swim test for the lake you always have to do the first few days you're there. You do those tests where you tread water, you swim back and forth in all different strokes - all of this in the FREEZING lake that you don't plan on going in at ALL anyway the whole time you're there. Then you get like a color or something saying if you can go into the deep end or not. Man, that whole thing was the worst.

This was no camp where you go camping at all. There was no roughing it. No walking in the woods, no s'mores. This was the camp for primadonnas. Ridiculous. It was a goddamn fashion show. 22 girls and two showers per cabin, by the way. The "in" crowd at this camp wore super baggy jeans hanging off their hips, wife-beaters and tee-shirts, eye-liner, purple glossy lipstick. They weren't even the most talented chicks at all, who knows why they were popular. The popular guys who ran with this group were really talented. Great actors, singers, musicians. That was great to see. Yeah, I'm not sure why some of the girls even went there in the first place. They hung out. Smoked pot a lot, which scared the living shit out of me. These were the type of people who chugged nyquil to try to get drunk "legally" at camp without getting kicked out. I didn't drink or smoke a thing. I was clean as a whistle. Never broke a single rule either. Still don't break rules really. I get caught.

And why is camp so traumatizing and life-altering? I think it's because you're young, hormonal, and away from parents. Sure, you're heavily supervised, but it's not the same. You feel independent. You're making an environment your own. I went to camp my whole life, and it was CRUCIAL to me. To be honest, off the top of my head, I can't think of what I actually learned or how I'm at all a better person for having gone, but those memories are locked pretty tightly into my head because I knew they were important.

I have this problem (it's not really a problem) where all these situations come up to my friends where I feel like if I were in them, I'd actually be able to stand up and have some balls and yell rather than being the pussy I usually am over my own stupid situations. See, I can't ever start a fight. I can't go up to someone and confront because I'm sans balls, but if someone starts screaming at me, I'm so shocked and hurt and pissed, that I end up yelling back. Example being how much I hated that white-trash whore roommate I had a little over a year ago, and she ended up yelling at me by picking up the phone while I was on it and bitching at me to both me and the person I was talking to. So, I started screaming at her and throwing her the insults I had only dreamt of saying aloud. Wonderful moment. Anyway, my friend right now is having problems with his roommates, and I would do ANYTHING to be there to tell off that dude SO bad. I would do ANYTHING. There were two other times where my friends were given hard times at this bar, both times, I would have done anything to be there. I always miss the good shit.