The entire month of my birthday passed by and I couldn't even get a word in on this website. It's been the same shit for so long with no more than a few paragraphs in something like four or five months that someone contacted me recently asking to buy this site off of me, I guess since it appeared I had no use for the name. Made sense.

There were many reasons why I didn't write, first of which was no time. I know you can always make time for something you care about, so we'll just have to say that this wasn't high enough on my priority list for which to make time of the very little I had to spare. You know what, the whole concept of "making time" is pretty bullshit. Make time? You can't make time. Let's just call it what it what it really is - getting rid of other shit in your life so you free up your time for something else. That's what I did NOT do for this site. I would have one hour, MAYBE an hour and a half when I got home from work to do with it what I pleased before crashing out. Come Saturday, I worked until 7 or 8pm, and then would rush to do something fun so that I felt like I had something resembling a life. Sunday was my free day to relax, which still was used for social time, maybe laundry (if I had gotten down to the pathetic point of wearing bathing suit bottoms and flipping my underwear inside out). Even that social time was pretty select. There were so many friends I hadn't even seen, and there was no time to see them. So several months went by there where so many people I used to talk to were just dropped to the side. Quite sad, really.

Another reason I didn't write - I didn't want to look inside myself, I didn't want to share. I kept myself really busy, not writing here, not writing in my journal, just sort of skimming the surface of life without venturing an inch below it. I didn't want to know what was going on in my head, so I stayed out of it. I kept moving at a fast pace, and didn't even spend much more than an hour a week by myself. There was no room for introspection, or at least no desire. Things have changed a bit since then.

So, I think there may be 4 people left that even check back here out of curiosity. Maybe you were typing in another URL that began with e, and the bar filled in my address here, and without you realizing it was not the place you planned on going, you accidentally clicked enter and showed up here to find that I did actually update my site today. Maybe you'll make a mental note to come back now that I seem to have returned from the alternate universe where I once resided.

Now, do I actually have anything to say? Not so much. I discovered the existence of I Want a Famous Face, or whatever the fuck that show is on MTV, and I officially decided that MTV is evil for allowing such a miserable show to exist. It's almost paralyzing how horrible that is. I watched it with my hand over my mouth repeating out loud that I couldn't believe this show was allowed. I felt sick. It is indeed sickening. What the FUCK kind of message is that, exactly? "Don't like who you are, kids? Think the way you look is ruining your life because you don't resemble your favorite famous person? Hating being an individual because Britney is so much cooler than you? Well, not to worry! BECOME SOMEONE ELSE!!! Yes, that's right - throw away those baby pictures and birth certificates and forget you ever were who you were...that's right, just a nobody. It's time to stop thinking that who you are is at all enough to be happy. The solution is to change. Yes, you need a new face, a face of someone who MATTERS, and WE can do that for you! Through the use of all our best plastic surgeons, you'll never have to be who you are again. You'll never have to look at yourself in the mirror again. Happiness is not just worshipping those stars in Tiger Beat, it's actually becoming them. Unique Smoonique - let's all be Brad Pitt, and the world will be a better place."

Sickening.

What else is going on? Well, I haven't watched TV or read the paper (oh wait, I never read the paper) in a long time, so I don't even know what's going on in the world. What else have I thought about? I don't know if I've had any time to think at all (that's too easy, by the way, to all you haters.)

Living in LA is pretty sweet. I know what a snob I've been about being from the east coast, but I have to say, this city is not half bad at all. It's 61 degrees and that's the coldest it's been in months. While my family and friends were in their coats and mittens, I was getting a tan in 90 degree sunshine. I used to think that you couldn't appreciate a beautiful sunny day unless it was broken up with some rain, but as it turns out - I feel pretty damn good about the sun everyday. I'm not too upset about it at all, honestly.

It's Friday night, and I've been sitting around wondering what to do with it. Part of me considered just not doing anything and having some me-time, but I've instead decided to drive my ass all the way to Hermosa Beach through the hellish traffic that defines LA in its worst of terms, to hang with my girl Jamie. I'm exhausted as all shit because I took a nap, and I have not even the slightest clue how long I took it for because it felt somewhere in the range of 5 hours, but it may be less. What I need to do is look attractive so I can feel alive because I feel like a goddamn slug. No spending money for me tonight. I would need to have it in the first place to spend.

I shall talk to you all soon. Spread around to anyone who gives a shit that I'm writing here again.