Last year around September or October, I spent a whole day shopping with my friend Melissa for work clothes. I had to buy a nice coat, good work shoes, blah, blah – I spent like a million dollars. Well, then we wandered into the Gap in the Grove and I saw this amazing robe. It was the softest robe I had ever touched in my life, absolutely begging to be worn. It came in all these adorable pastel colors. I walked around the store, but kept coming back to the robe to feel it, to decide which color was my favorite, to imagine myself sitting in it on a quiet Saturday with a good book and a cup of tea. I wanted it.

Now, let me explain something to you about me – I’m not a “shopper.” I’m not a browser. First of all, I hate browsing. What is the point of that? If you want something, you buy it, why walk around to look at shit you like and then walk past it, just so you can SEE what’s out there. I know what’s out there, I see it on other people everyday, if I want it, then I go to the mall to get one for myself. I don’t go to stores to see how things look on hangers. Browsing also pisses me off because it’s just a reminder of what I want and can’t afford at the time. Now, why do I need to go to mall to remind myself that I have no money? So I can imagine all those great clothes, and KNOW that I want them and can’t get them? No, when I’m poor, the mall is the last place you’ll find me. In fact, you’ll NEVER see me just walking around the mall. I’m running from one place to the next – whichever places I had planned on going to buy something specific I had in mind. No walking around, no wandering in and out of places. This is also why I can’t go to the mall with anyone else. Then I’m forced to walk around and go into stores I don’t want to go in because the person I’m with is BROWSING! Not even bringing me there for my opinion on an important dress, but just looking around, and I have to drag along. No, no thank you. Waste of time, and puts me in a bad mood.

The point I digress, the point I was trying to make is that I don’t just spend money on whatever. When I buy something, it’s because something was jumping out at me, because I kept picking it up, because I couldn’t stop thinking about it, and because I HAVE to have it. People feel that way about almost everything they see – those shopaholic types, but not me. It’s a rare occasion when it happens, RARE, so I usually feel the need to indulge when it does.

Back to the robe - this robe gave me this feeling. It was calling out to me. Now, I had spent the whole day shopping, but those were necessities. I needed clothes for work, and you can’t create work clothes out of regular clothes. It’s not like taking an old shirt and making it hip with the right belt and earrings (I can’t do that, by the way). Work clothes need to look a certain way and be a certain way, and I didn’t have time to search for salvation army suits that look like The Limited but for a fraction of the price. Good work clothes is an important investment. So, I had spent all this money on clothes I needed, and nothing on something fun. Then I saw the robe.

I walked out of there without the robe and promising that I would buy it for myself as a reward of some sort…but I had waited too long. Next time I made it back into Gap, they had completely sold out. I checked the website, they were out of it in inventory. I called the hotline, and they are completely out of stock and don’t expect to have more until September. I never got to have my perfect robe. It would have been worth the $78. Completely worth it. And I knew I wanted it. And I would have worn it every single day. There was no reason to not buy it. Yet, I allowed myself to be talked out of it.

The moral of the story is if you want something you see in the store badly enough where you can’t stop thinking about it, and you’re positive that you would use it all the time, and if you KNOW you won’t be in major financial trouble by buying it – THEN BUY IT!!! I’ll always wish I got that robe, and you can bet I will be the first person in the Gap waiting for it to come back.

But what I don’t understand is why they wouldn’t have it in stock all the time. The woman on the phone said they sell out of it every year so quickly. She said they sold out so fast the first year that they put out more the second year, but they cleared out of that as well. Why not have a constant supply? Why do I have to wait through all of summer for it? If they KNOW it’s a good product, then LET US HAVE IT!!! I want a robe, but if I find one just as good somewhere else before the Gap one comes out, I’ll buy that one. Why would Gap want to lose that business? I’m sure there are plenty of people that feel that way. I just don’t understand. (I had a dream last night I was in that robe. This is why I’m obsessing.)

I’m living vicariously through my friend Katie. She’s about to embark on a whole new life, a fresh lifestyle, and I’m jealous of her. The happy kind of jealous – not hate-her kind of jealous. She has a new puppy. She’s moving into a new apartment. And she’s starting a new job. She’s heading back into the country where a small-town hick like her belongs. <wink> Seriously though, she was raised on goat’s milk…from their own goat. Anyway, last night I fell asleep fantasizing about her new life as if it were my own. (This is all part of that robe thing). I imagined sitting in my new robe with that cup of tea. Walking around barefoot in my hardwood apartment, and then sitting by my window in my giant lounge chair. I have all the windows open. It’s not a perfectly sunny day (feel guilty for being inside.) It’s cloudy, humid, and warm. It has that freshly-rained smell, and it’s on and off sun showers all day. I don’t put the TV on, instead I pick up my new favorite book. I light a candle or two to make the room smell like Vanilla. I have no errands to run, I have no where to be. I’m just relaxing. It sounds like such a beautiful Saturday.

I gotta say, living out in LA – I thought I might miss the snow, but I think what’s so much sadder about no snow is no summer thunderstorms. Is anything better than a giant thunderstorm (when you don’t have somewhere to be, don’t have plans to be outside, or don’t have a job that depends on the weather)? That thick scent of moisture, that rolling thunder, the flashes of lightning. Raindrops so thick you’re soaked to the bone the second you’re outside. A day you don’t do your hair because you know it’ll be ruined before you’ve even dried off from your shower. Those days are so perfect for every emotion. They’re great for when you’re single and happy. They’re great for when you’re in love. They’re great for when you feel like crying. Man, I miss them. Of course, I’d be terrified if they happened here because I realize all of LA would absolutely freak out. They can’t even handle a couple droplets. It doesn’t even rain hard enough to rinse of your car. It just leaves big spots, like your car is polkadotted.

Let’s see, what else is going on. Oh, I was on that Body for Life diet, right? I was going pretty well, though results were not happening as fast as I would have liked. Then Memorial Day weekend came around, Katie came into town, and I just dropped the whole damn thing. So, I’m a big mush again, and I’m not too happy about it. Quite unhappy actually. I’ve decided I need to do something about it, but I honestly think that the Body for Life is a bit too strict for me. So, I’m going with the Jamaica diet – how we ate when we were there for the Challenge, and I lost like 10 pounds of body fat – eating protein, veggies, and some carbs just three times a day, no more, no snacks, and never eating past 8 or 8:30pm. After a while, your stomach really gets used to it. You only have to eat that much, and you’re totally fine. The weight just sheds right off. Never felt tired or particularly unhealthy, and was still able to have drinks with friends. Jamaica diet it is.

(little later…)

There goes Jamaica diet. I had chocolate cake and chips and dip for a going away party for these two women at work. Oh well.

I’m obsessed with apartment hunting. It’s my favorite thing to do. I used to read over apartment listings on craigslist even when I wasn’t looking for apartments. I would in craigslist under cities I don’t ever plan to live in, I just LOVE apartment hunting. I think it’s so exciting. It’s a new space. A NEW HOME. That’s ultimate change. No matter what is happening in your life, where you return to every single day is some place NEW. It’s a fresh start. A change like that has GOT to change the way you think about life, and that’s exhilarating. Some people hate apartment searching. I just love it. I also HATE to shop for shoes, so I guess I’m not a normal girl.

Gotta go.