I hate AT&T. I just really can't stop talking about it. They are pure evil. They feed off our laziness. Every single month they have charges that don't make any sense. There is no explanation anywhere. I have a plan that's $59.99. There were some taxes. Fine. There were some overcharges even though I didn't go over my minutes. That's weird enough - but then where it says $59.99 plan, it says $68.89. Yeah, no explanation. That's apparently what $59.99 means. I'm so mad because I know I have to call and sit on hold with someone for like an hour just for some bullshit reason. It's always good to catch their mistakes and get the money back, but it's NOT great that it keeps fucking happening. I want to trust my cell phone company, not wait for the next bill to see what kind of crap they pull. Every time I call, I just want to scream into the phone, "How do you sleep at night??!!" Then I realize they sleep on 1000 thread Egyptian cotton pillowcases that they pay for with my fucking bullshit overcharges.

So looking for an apartment is no longer fun. We're down to the wire here, and I'm getting nervous, as I should. I'm three weeks and a couple days away from being homeless, and no apartment prospects as of yet. And then I realized that looking for an apartment out here is completely different than looking for an apartment in New York or Boston. There is too much variety out here that I keep thinking I'm missing out on one element for another. See, in Boston, there's this theme. There's something very typically Boston about every apartment in and around that city. Of course, there are different versions, but they're all very...Boston. There's something kind of old, kind of musty about them. There's something very wide and spacious, even if they're not big. I don't know how to explain it, but you never really feel all that torn when trying to decide. One just is a little better than another, and you go with that one. Out here, I don't even know where to begin. I feel like every neighborhood is a different universe lightyears away from the next. Brighton, Brookline - whatever. Beverly Hills, Studio City - I mean, there should be different flags for these places. You should need a passport to go from one to the next. And the apartment options, it's overwhelming. I mean, I'll find a place that's great, but there is no inside of the building. It's all outside like a goddamn motel. I feel like Danny LaRusso coming from the Jersey subs. Remember the place they moved into in the first movie? I can't live in a place like that - I really want an inside. I would prefer a ceiling to my hallway, please. And then there are the "modern" buildings. These are the big collections of stucco squares that have balconies with royal blue metal tubes that serve as the little wall. Ugh, I don't want that. If you want something a little more old school - then you refer to this as an Old Hollywood look. Basically, it's buildings with lead paint, faucets that run brown water, and paint smeared over the window panes. Some apartment buildings look like hotels. Shit, they're full-blown resorts with fountains. Of course, who can afford those other than people who have so much fucking money that they don't even care to use that money to BUY a place, they just blow 3 grande a month on rent, which we all know is money you shit on below flushing it down the toilet.

The other day, I started looking into these apartments that had these shady shitty hallways (with a roof), and I thought it was too gross to live in. But then as I walked away, I thought about all the stairwells and hallways in Boston apartments and New York apartments, and I can't believe I cared out here. They looked exactly like the hallway I had in my last apartment on St. Mary's Street in Boston, but for some reason, it felt unsafe here. It's because there are other options - better options out there that make you think those dark hallways are so wrong and bad. And even though I REALIZE how stupid that is, I still get totally turned off when I see the hallway. IT'S A HALLWAY!!! Why do I care? Out here, you don't even need to live in apartment - you can live in someone's guest house. "Bungalow." A bungalow? That's insane. There shouldn't even BE bungalows unless you're in Figi and there's a canoe outside instead of a car. I can live in some rich family's guest house in Beverly Hills. That's weird. Then I feel like I'm their..well...guest. I'm on THEIR property. I'd be like Mike Seaver. That's weird to me.

So, I don't know what I want. And I don't know where to begin. And I can count down on my watch how many minutes I have before I'm living out of my car.

But I'm learning some things about apartment/craigslist terminology. For instance, "charming" and "cozy" mean so fucking small you'll be sleeping in your shower. When the location is "adjacent" to a town you know, it means it's in the guetto so shady that it doesn't have a name - it's just NEAR places okay enough to have a zipcode. "Decent" means disgusting. If you were going on a blind date, and you asked your match-making friend if the person they were setting you up with was good-looking, and they replied, "He's decent," what would you think that meant? Yeah. See? "Classic" means Old Hollywood/brown-water building. When someone says, "Street parking only, but I've never had a problem," it means they've never gotten so frustrated about having never found a spot that the police had to come and say, "Have we got a problem here?"

And I don't know what's up exactly with people not telling you the square feet of the place. I need to know that information. Why do you make me call you, leave a message, and wait five days just so you can tell me something that could have been easily typed in with the rest of your bullshit about this place on craigslist? Why, I ask you?

Okay, moving on - one should always pay her bills as soon as she gets them if she has the money in her account. Sometimes I wait. No reason, I just wait. I don't pay the bills late, but I wait until the last week they are due, and then I pay them all. See, then you feel the sweet relief of having no debt, but since you waited until the end, the new bills come out the next week. Then you think, "What the fuck, I JUST paid this bill!" like you're being personally attacked by NW&P and Bank of America - like there's a conspiracy. But no. You just waited until the new bills came out, and now you feel like you're paying double. If you just paid the bills as soon as you got them, then you wouldn't even think about how you need to pay the bills. It's all done and forgotten and you move on.

I saw a camera crew filming someone leaving this recording studio on Beverly, and then a blonde girl got into the limo. Could have been Jessica Simpson, and I missed it by literally 10 seconds. I wanted to ask, but I didn't want to be "that guy," so I didn't. It was cool though. You'd think it wouldn't be that cool seeing a reality tv camera crew, but it still is. I think, "What was this for? When will it be on? I need to watch it so I can say I was standing right there when it happened..." Isn't that stupid that I'd care? Well, I do. I still think it's exciting.

I'm going to return now to watching TV. I should go work out. I should read my book, but I'll probably just watch TV. That's sad.

Oh WAIT!!! I got two emails from people saying that the Gap robe was back in stores, and without wasting a minute, I went and bought it. SO HAPPY!!! Too bad I have no air conditioning and it's like 90 degrees. I'll just lie next to it then.

Have you ever been starving and you have NO idea to eat? I'll walk around my kitchen opening cabinets over and over as if something new will be there. You keep looking until you settle with something so unsatisfying. (This is so going to happen to me with this apartment.) Then I think about what I would want to eat if I could eat anything in the world, but I stop myself because if I actually come up with something, chances are I'm not going to have it, and then I'll be all upset because I have a craving that I can't do anything about.

Question - when it feels SO good to be healthy, then why do I choose so often to not be so? Why not work out, eat right, drink more water when it makes me feel good, attractive, in shape, proud, and in control? Isn't that ridiculous?

Okay, now I'm really out.