(I'm posting this now, but I haven't checked for errors yet, and I know there are thousands, but if I don't post it now I never will.)

Wow, I just never write here, huh? I'm telling you, I've tried and tried, but then I end up with nothing worth putting up here.

So, I'm on my 8th day of the Master Cleanser. Have you heard about this yet? Well, it's a fast. I am fasting. <pause>. I'm Lori, and I'm fasting. Do you understand that this is something I never thought I would do in my entire life?? Do you know that food is my favorite thing in the world, that I not only look forward to every single meal, but I'm actually giddy and excited about eating every single time I eat anything at all??? Do you know that my passion for food exceeds my passion for most things in my entire life?? So, here's what happened...

I've always been in pretty decent shape. After I graduated from school, I was working out pretty reguarly. I got into pretty good shape before Battle of the Seasons (because I was supposed to go), and then when I didn't go and was too late to register back at school for that semester, I had little else to do but work out. Then it was time to start training for Battle of the Sexes, so I got into great shape. Went to Jamaica and lost a shitload of weight because, well, there wasn't much food, and I never ate after 8pm. I'm lucky - once I lose weight, it pretty much stays off for a while. Then I was a waitress for a while (you all remember that, I talked about it everyday), so you're on your feet all day with no time to eat a lot, so I stayed in good shape there too. (That was around when I quit smoking too). Then I moved to LA and got that door-to-door job and lost a WHOLE lot of weight because I was RUNNING around neighborhood for 8 hours a day, 6 days a week. A month after I left that job, I went on the Body For Life program, and I was doing really well for about 5 weeks. Then Memorial Day came around, Katie came to visit me, and I got my current job which has me at a desk. I stopped working out completely. I gained a little over 10 pounds in the six months I worked there, and though I got the boobs I've always wanted, every other part of me packed on a few as well. I suppose I wouldn't mind so much as no one else cares but me, but then my wardrobe started to significantly decrease as I couldn't squeeze my goddamn thighs into anything I owned. I knew things were really bad when I tried on this one pair of capris I got in Jamaica. They were free from Aeropostale because they were a sponsor for the show. I grabbed them, but I could never wear them because they were two sizes too big. They would hang off my hips, so I just put them away and haven't ever worn them. I tried them on the other day since none of my other jeans fit anymore, but they were too snug as well. That was it. My weight gain was now a financial problem - I did not want to buy all new clothes.

Now, unfortunately, I'm an instant gratification kind of gal. I need a kick start, and I don't take weight loss pills, I don't do eating-disorders, so I wasn't sure how to begin. Then I went to a play with some friends and ran into this guy named Keith who looked significantly healthier than when I last saw him. He had just come off the Master Cleanser - a detoxifying cleansing fast. It's a 10 day program where you eat nothing but this lemonade you make for 10 days (or more.) I bought the book in Whole Foods, read it, and discovered a lot about the nutrients in lemons, why this fast is not unhealthy. Gives all your organs a rest, pulls the fat and toxins from your muscles, etc. I won't go into it because you can read the book yourself, but the point is I'm on my 8th day, and it's going pretty well. I've lost 8 pounds in 8 days. Not too bad. Wanted to lose about 12 pounds, but it doesn't look like that's going to happen. Feel much better. A lot of the shit people talk about didn't work for me - I didn't lose my cravings for food, I didn't have any kind of spiritual enlightenment, I don't actually feel healthier. I feel thinner, and I feel like I'm going to eat my foot if I don't eat soon. Luckily, I will. Have to end the fast a little before the 10 days because I need to prepare my stomach for normal digestion because I plan on FULLY eating my Thanksgiving dinner.

So, I jump-started, and now it's up to me to make sure I never stop working out because I do NOT want to go through all this again. I miss food. I love food. I miss the comfort, I miss the taste, the texture, the smell. I miss chewing, sipping, swallowing (shut up, too easy). Goddamn, I CANNOT WAIT TO EAT.

Other than that, things are pretty much the same, whatever that means. Things are great at work. Feels like a real solid group, a real community, which means everything to me. It's nice to know that the place you go for 45 hours of your week is not dreaded. How many people out there get to feel that way? I'm quite lucky, I know.

I cannot WAIT to go home for Thanksgiving. LA has served as a decent home, I must say, but it'll be damn nice to get back to a place where people feel more...real (a word I hate to use, but fits quite nicely in this context.). It'll be great to just feel the cold air. It'll be nice just to see the place. I love Thankgiving weekend. This year should be great. I think I remember being relatively depressed last Thanksgiving for one personal reason or another. This year, I'm going to chill with my sisters, mom, bro-in-law, some friends too. I'm going to eat my little heart out and work out with my sister at my old gym in Needham. I would like to go to that bar I used to work, but considering the owners probably want me dead, I can't really ever go there again. It's okay, last I remember the food totally sucks. It WAS good, but old bitch manager pissed the kitchen staff off so much they all quit. See, people? Being a bitch doesn't help things.

You know that commercial for that three-diamond ring? I think it's like an anniversary ring or something. It's this couple in some courtyard area in Europe, and he screams out loud that he loves her as these birds are flying away and she seems kind of embarrassed. Then he takes out the ring and gives it to her, and she hugs him and starts saying, "I love this man, I love him, I love him." That commercial pisses me off. Anyone else? What, his yelling it out of joy was humiliating, but NOW you love him that he gets you this ring? Fuck that shit, that's bullshit. She wasn't so into him before the material gift. His love isn't enough? Bitch. He could do better.

Oh, I watched the Jessica Simpson birthday special on Newlyweds where Nick totally ruins her day so he can surprise her at the end. Yeah, if you ruin someone's whole day, it's pretty easy to make them happy. I think the real challenge is making them happy when they're already having a good day. I could easily say to my mom on her birthday, "Mom, I've been kidnapped," and then 10 hours later jump out from behind her couch and be like, "Look, I'm alive and well. Happy birthday! Here's a cat too." Yeah, she's be pretty fucking happy, but was it worth all the suffering to start? Doesn't matter, I was totally into it anyway, and yes, I cried when he came out on stage and saw the look on her face. I'm seriously envious of their life. Doesn't it just seem perfect? I'm sorry, but how can you honestly NOT be happy for two young, attractive, successful people in their big house, living their dream careers, married, and totally in love? I just get that safe and happy feeling when I see them all dolled up out at nice dinners and laughing. It's 100% pathetic, and I love it. And I bashed those two SOOOOO HARD when that show was about to come out, and look at me - it's so embarrassing. I'm like the biggest fan, and I said the most horrible things about them. Feels shitty. I'm over it, but it does suck.

I've missed the last couple episodes of Laguna Beach. Where are the marathons, MTV? I haven't caught any recently.

If you haven't seen The Incredibles, you're stupid. You HAVE to see it because it's so good that words cannot explain. I saw it at El Capitan. Wow, what an experience! So fun, so me. Cheesy Disney show? Are you kidding? I was like a little kid in there. Had the greatest time.

Oh my God, you know what's fun? I went to summer camp with the guy from Maroon 5 - the lead singer, Adam Levine. I've talked about this camp before - French Woods Festival of the Performing Arts. I went there for two summers, but he was only there the first year I was there, and that first year, I was a quiet loser, so he would not remember me at all. Adam, on the otherhand, was in the cool crowd. He was hilarious, I remembered that much. He also wore caps and I think he had dreads. He was friends with the guy who became my boyfriend the NEXT summer (thus pulling me up into the "cool" crowd), but he wasn't there for that. God, that camp had such a caste system, it was horrible. Anyway, when the band was just getting big, I saw a picture in a magazine and I jumped up. "I KNOW THAT GUY!! I went to camp with him!!" If I ever see the guy, I'm going to have to pull that lame shit and approach him to tell him we went to camp together only for him to be like, "Oh, cool," but whatever, I have to do it.

Gotta run, later!