There are a many things in life that will go away if you just ignore them. An insignificant argument with a friend, a bad haircut, a scrape on the elbow, a harmless stuffy nose, someone who has a crush on you whose interest you in NO way return. But there are two things that really don’t go away when you ignore them, and they are parking tickets and cavities. Cavities are holes – they couldn’t go away because it’s not like you’re growing more teeth or that hole is even going to fill itself. Still, we ignore it. I would just chew on the other side of the mouth, stop eating really cold foods, pretend that I usually eat apples crushed up into liquid form. No matter what you do, no matter how hard you try to forget it’s there and a problem, the worse it gets. And the fact is, it costs MUCH less to fill a cavity than to get a root canal. I had a cavity when I was living in New York, and it got so bad that I could stick my whole tongue up that hole and lick my brain. Parking tickets – see, sometimes it really does feel you can just ignore it. I know there may have been parking tickets in my past that somehow can lost in the shuffle and never resurfaced. I was really hoping this one ticket I got in the beginning of August would just be forgotten. If I had put in ONE stupid quarter, I would not have gotten this $35 parking ticket. So, I pretended the ticket did not exist, and now I received my annual registration fee, and tacked onto it was my secret parking ticket, but now it was $86. Clearly, this madness had to end. 25 cents turned into $86, which just amazes me. Lesson learned. Ignoring either of these two things just gets you deeper in the hole.

Let’s discuss Ashlee Simpson. I have to say, I hesitate these days talking about “famous” people because…well, they’re in my grocery store, and it feels weird picking out avocados next to someone I just ripped to shreds on my site. Also, I don’t know where I stand with other reality TV people. See, my personal rule was no bashing anyone on Real World or Road Rules because…I don’t know, because it’s fucked up since we came from the same…”family?” But now with all these other shows, I’d like to think I have no relation to them, but we still manage to see them, and it’s become like one giant body of Reality, so it doesn’t feel okay to bash. Ashlee Simpson shouldn’t fall in this category except that she’s considered Reality and MTV, so I don’t know. I mean, I feel weird about it after saying such horrible things about Jessica and Nick and then LOVING them after watching their show and feeling like such an ass. But here’s the deal, Ashlee has put on some shows that NEED to be discussed because they’re just so rich in material.

First off, that Orange Bowl performance. Oh man. I didn’t see it, and had I known it was going to be so memorable, I would have Tivo’d it. Howard Stern plays it several times a day every single day on the show, and I laugh out loud every single time. How could you not? It’s just terrible. Fine, maybe she had a bad day, maybe she couldn’t hear herself. God knows I’ve been down that road, but still…it was just so bad. And it’s simultaneously hilarious and heartbreaking to hear an entire audience boo her that loudly. That’s just cold, but that’s also the risk you run when you sing live when you should never sing live. And she cannot lip-sync now, not after SNL, so this girl is up shit’s creek, and really needs to stop now because there is no redeeming herself. She’s proven to us that she’s not all that great and she should leave the singing to her sister. Honestly, I can appreciate Jessica’s range and power, and I can’t get enough of looking at her in all her fun outfits, but I’m not a fan of the sound of her voice, just what it can do. But Ashlee – come on. The madness needs to stop. There’s someone we hope goes away if we ignore long enough.

The other performance Stern plays every day is Lindsay Lohan on Ellen. Man, that is a ROUGH performance as well. Quite painful. See, it makes me mad that you don’t need to be all that strong to be “successful.” Stern said that everyone should have to go through American Idol because at least you know they can sing live every single week. Kelly Clarkson sounds even better live than recorded, in my opinion. I mean, who can’t go into a recording studio and sound good…other than J.Lo? It just feels like the whole industry is trying to pull a fast one on us, and I’m not going to buy it. Either dance or sing or do both, but neither??? That’s just insulting. Just act if you can act. You don’t have to become an empire. It’s sad. It’s not about being a Renaissance Girl. You don’t HAVE to do it all, and if you’re not going to do it well, then please don’t put us through this shit. I’m tired of being not only unimpressed but downright irritated. Give me someone good.

I am sad about Brad and Jen. I am actually sad, and I'm aware of how silly that is. I don't know these two people any better than I know the woman who pours my coffee every morning. Anything I "know" comes from the media - the most unreliable sources of information that could possibly exist. I know that I like the way they look, I like the characters they play, and I like the idea of them. And though it's possible that they never belonged together, are maybe a terrible couple if you actually know them, or really a great pair dealing with too much pressure from the millions of people like me who care way too much about their relationship - it still makes me sad because they were a symbol to me that I foolishly believed in as though it should matter to me at all. I'm sad because they seem like good people even though I'm basing them off of little more than Rachel Green and Pretty Boy. I feel bad because you know that if they're separating, they have had to been going through a lot of hard and painful times while needing to constantly pretend to be happy for our cameras.

Hoping there aren't too many errors. I want to post this before I leave, and I'm running out the door now.