This paycheck to paycheck gig I’ve got going is a fucking trip. I mean, I’m totally surviving, but my head is just above the water. By no means am I sunbathing on a yacht, which is where I’d like to be in this money metaphor. I’m treading quite a bit, and I’m even lucky enough to have some floaties on my arms. I get my paycheck twice a month – on the 10th and the 25th. The check on the 25th goes almost entirely to my rent (with the exception of $150). So, the check on the 10th is really the one that determines if I’m going to be breaking a sweat or not. Actually, that check is nearly almost the same (slight commission, but nothing that makes or breaks my life). What really determines it all is the credit card bill. It’s a bit high this month, and I cannot imagine what the hell I bought because I don’t actually get the bill until tomorrow. Anyway, I get that bill three days after my paycheck is deposited into my bank account. So, I open my account, and I have three days to feel like I’m actually making a lot of money. Then I get the bill, and 70% of my new check goes directly to that credit card bill (probably another 15% going to cell phone/cable/internet/ and now Tivo and local landline – which I’m PRAYING won’t be too high from the Tivo calling in everyday, but we’ll see). So, I have like a nickel in my bank account, so I buy everything on that credit card for the rest of the month, and pay it off three days after the cash comes in from my paycheck on the 10th. It’s all just a little too close of a call. Let’s not discuss the fact that I don’t have a single dime saved to my name. No savings accounts, no IRAs, no 401Ks – nothing. The amount I have in my bank account is all I have, and there never actually IS anything IN that bank account except for those three days. So, I spent the whole month with negative amount of money, and then I am fortunate enough to bring myself back up to zero. Nice. I'm good. But the fact is this: zero will always be better than being in debt, right? So, if you think about it, I'm not even doing that bad. However, if I got fired tomorrow, you’d find me outside of Rite Aid holding a bucket and ringing a bell.

I watch these movies with these people with “adult” apartments, and I wonder if I’m ever going to be those people. I know they’re generally unrealistic. No one has huge apartments in the middle of Manhattan like that. I mean, some people do, but who the hell are they? I mean, no one has giant empty lofts. Thank God for Carrie Bradshaw. Her apartment was hardly even a one bedroom. It was like a giant studio with a full kitchen. I mean, the hallway WAS the closet. See, I NEED that - to see that one TV. I need to know I’m not the only person not looking into condos and houses at 25 (going on 26). Shit. I feel too young to be married and living in a house, but I think I’ll always feel that way. It seems like such a grown-up dream, and I still feel like a kid. Am I grown-up? At what point am I no longer just some little kid playing grown-up games?

Note: I had been looking forward to White Noise since I saw the trailer when I went to see Team America. I told everyone about it. I read up on EVP. I got totally psyched. Then the reviews came out saying how horrible it was, but I didn’t believe them or care. I went to see it opening night. Goddamn was that one bad movie. SOOOO boring, SOOOOO not scary, SOOOOO ruining a concept that had SO much potential to be terrifying. I was SHOCKED by how bad it was. Please save your money and do not see it. I’m begging you. MAYBE one day, if you’re watching TV and it’s on, and no other channel is working, and you’re chained to your chair with nothing else in the room but the TV, and your eyes are held open by some medieval torture device, and there’s a gun to your head with a madman promising to kill you if you don’t watch it – then yes, watch the movie. But ONLY under those circumstances.

I just watched American Idol. Wow, this show is just so freaking entertaining.