Getting into a fight with a friend is one of the strangest, most disorienting feelings I can have. Relationships? Lovers Quarrels? I expect those. They are bound to happen - they're SUPPOSED to happen to grow. They never worry me in the least. Sometimes, it's a daily occurrence, and that comes to be life, and it can even contribute to the passion between the two people. However, it will be a rare day in the world if you find me truly angry and hurt by a friend because it's something that just never happens. Why? Because I'm not one of those people who have four thousand friends, that has my cell phone ringing off the hook (there is no hook with a cell phone though...hmmm), that goes to all these parties and knows a million people's names. I am selective. If you are on my friend list, then I know you, i love you, I trust you, and we do not hurt each other. Sometimes I get a little saddened by friends. Sometimes I get disappointed or frustrated - the same as they will get with me. Often, there is no confrontation, and no confrontation is needed. If ever there is an argument, it's hardly loud, and it's probably based off wishing we could spend more time together. (I have a lot of super low-maintanence friends that I can't get a hold of for months...but they're friends forever, and we'll always pick up where we left off). Point is - It almost never happens where I'll be so upset with a girlfriend that I know the course of that friendship has been affected for the worse. But it's happened, and I'm just weirded out by the whole thing. The basic gist (without saying anything - I don't know who reads this shit and doesn't tell me) is this: I thought I had a unique and playful friendship with someone - a special bond between us - only to discover that she wasn't enjoying it quite the same way I was. Well, sometimes she does, sometimes she doesn't, and she gets to decide when I can be the way she wants. And I'm fucking livid. And I'm really hurt and sad. I'm not saying a damn thing else about it because I might get approached already for putting this shit here.

Man, sometimes I wish I could just be totally honest and talk about anyone or anything without worrying about what other people thought, but I can't. The reason is because people read this, and just because I enjoy writing doesn't mean I can just display my personal relationships, friendships, and THEIR business and activities for the whole world to read. People have the right to keep whatever they want private, and I can't be blabbing about it just because I am verbose. I don't like when my personal business is put out there without my asking, so I can't do that to someone else. Here, I just describe how I feel about shit, and you can apply it to your own life (or maybe figure out the kind of things going on with mine.)

A lot of you have done that and have been really good at it. I will go on just describing a single emotion without giving one detail, and I'll get an email from someone who just KNOWS what's happening in my life. Probably because he or she has been there too, and knows that emotion stems from something very specific.

Anyway, I digress. It's just a really upsetting feeling when you learn something is what you thought. It's sad when you discover that there are limits to a friendship you thought had the potential to exist without perimeters. When you turn around and have to say, "Oh. You're not going to be one of those 'no matter what' friends." And I think to myself, "Damn, it sucks for you that you went ahead and did that. You lost me as a No Matter What friend. That is a serious loss."

Anyway, whatever. No point on dwelling on it. She's the one who had to go ahead and be lame. I guess I'll get over it.

Getting my hair cut and colored this weekend with some extra cash that I haven't actually earned yet, but I'm expecting to. Never a good idea, but neither is letting my hair get this discolored and dead. I was supposed to go camping this weekend, and I'm really bummed that we're not going anymore, though the reasons are totally understandable. There's nothing like a good camping trip. Nothing. Being outside for days straight. Being far away from the sounds of cars on the road. Being active in the day, and then sitting around a campfire at night. I'm sorry, but it's a one of kind experience. This getting my hair colored thing is definitely cushioning the blow though. It's so fun to look in the mirror and like what you see because there's something new about it. Kind of wish I was in the mood to do something REALLY drastic, but I don't have a picture in my head of what that would be. Plus, I spent the last entire year growing my hair from chin short to this long. I guess I'll have to do something crazy with the color, but it can't be too crazy because I'm a 9-5er now. Gotta be professional.