I'm planning on cursing like a goddamn sailor in this entry, so DEAL with it, or go somewhere else. I'm pissed at everyone and their mother right now.

You know those days when every fucking thing goes wrong, and every goddamn person pisses you off? You know when everyone else either does something wrong, or they say something wrong, and then YOU do something wrong, so you have to be annoyed with yourself on top of everything? I’m having that kind of day. It wasn’t supposed to be that kind of day. It was supposed to be a nice day. Didn’t turn out that way. Turned out going to total and complete shit. I’m going to go home and go to the gym – that’ll either help or piss me off more. My guess – it’ll piss me off more. Why? Because my gym is filled with fucking lame ass losers looking to crawl up each others’ asses. Because the men aren’t even men because they’re hogging all the goddamn 25lbs weights and under when they SHOULD be lifting twice that.

You know those days when you just hate everyone? When you don’t know what you can do or where you can go so no one talks to you because if anyone talks to you at all, even for a second – you swear you’ll punch them in the face?

And you don’t want to go right to bed because then it’s quickly the next day when you have to go to work and be consumed with hatred all over again.

So, you need to stay awake to appreciate not being around any people. You want to stay awake and appreciate being totally angry. These are the times when I would love to reward my survival for the day with a glass of wine or something. But it would be a terrible idea because drinking really only makes you feel SOOO much worse. So why do it? You don’t.

But I understand the feeling. Of wanting to punch the wall. Of wanting to fucking scream at someone. Of looking at the clock and being sure you’re going to fucking shatter your computer screen if it doesn’t become time to get out of the office.

It’s that feeling where you really want to hurt someone else’s feelings, and you know how to do it too. You sit there on the fence about whether or not you want to go through with it. You think about all the terrible things you’d like to say to people, and then finally feel that sweet release of tension as you place your pain on someone else. If you’re angry enough, you can toss the guilt about it right out the window. You just want to get under someone else’s skin. You just want to project.

These are the days that I miss my self-defense class – when I could literally kick, punch, and scream as hard and loud as I physically could. I got so fired up in class I wondered how many times I could hit that guy before my limbs just fell off my body. I would love to have that.

It’s either that or you recess into your own head. You just lie flat on your bed and stare at the ceiling ignoring your phone when it rings. You just lie there seeing if you can concentrate all that frustration into one dot on the ceiling, and you allow yourself to wallow in every single dark and twisted thought that passes through your skull. This is when I’ll think about my funeral.

The worst is when you tell people what's wrong, and they explain to you why you should feel better, why you SHOULDN'T be that upset, how you're overreacting, how you need to alter your own behavior even though everyone else on the planet is being an asshole first. That's when you start thinking about the truely harmless ways of rebelling. This is when I decide to sing along so loudly with my music that I lose my voice. This is when I see if it's possible to punch straight through your pillow while the feathers go in every direction.

I'm sick and fucking tired of feeling pissed about something and not having anyone to just say, "Oh, that sucks. I totally understand." Don't give me any fucking advice. Don't TELL ME HOW I SHOULD ACT OR FEEL!!! THIS is how I feel, OKAY??? I don't CARE if it's for the stupidest reason in your book. It's MY goddamn book, and I'm MAD. If I'm crying over spilled milk, then just be a friend and say to me, "I fucking hate it when milk spills." Don't give me SHIT about it.

Don't ask me what's wrong. Don't ask me if I'm okay. Don't give me advice. Relate to me or shut the fuck up. If you don't want to hear it, then don't look at me fuming and ask me what's wrong. I'm not going to tell you if you are seriously incapable of understanding how I feel. I don't WANT to feel rationale. I don't want to manipulate anyone into doing or saying what I want while letting them think they're right. I want to tell people how I fucking feel about them without losing my job or losing my friendships. Some days I wish I could just be SO honest to people without having to worry about politics, and then just erase their memory so I don't have to deal with their shit (but I still get to see their reaction to the truth.)

I'm putting all this negativity on there on the web. Yup. I'm not out here to inspire anyone today. My thoughts aren't interesting. If you've read this far down the entry, then that was your OWN choice.

I'm going to now go stare at my ceiling.

It's fucking 4/20 and THIS is my mood? I should be chillin' and smilin' and laughing my ass off on this day. Instead, I'm pissed off. That's bullshit.

Thanks for letting me vent.

Click on the picture to order your own French Green Clay Mask This is AnaMay Green Clay Mask. First email I'd like to address... 4.18.05 I received this email, and I'd love to talk to you all about it: "wow. you were my last ray of sunshine. an ad free site. and while I know what it's nice to find something that works so well for you that you have to tell everyone you know about it, I think you should let us know if the company is paying you in anyway for your 'endorsement'. it's only fair. you write from the heart and tend to be correct about a lot of things, so I trust your judgement when you say this stuff works. Based on your posts, I think it's safe to say that you're hesitant about pimping products (getting a free ipod is another matter). I'd just feel better if I knew what the deal was. are you telling us to buy this product because it's that good or because the company offered you a little something? Or both...?" This is a very fair thing to ask me. I think that one true relationship I have with my readers is my honesty. I may not tell you about every aspect of my life. I may leave out details, but what I do tell you is 100% honest, and from your emails - it seems that it's the one thing that keeps you coming back here. So, here we go... You regular readers here know that whenever I like a product, I talk about it here. I think I've sworn on graves about the Intuition Razor. I know that I've professed my undying love for Proactive. My legs are only smooth when I use Jergens. I "sell" products here all the time, but I don't often have links to how you can buy them. Why do I have one here? Yes, because I am a part of this project. I am involved for the time being in its financial success. Why would I dedicate an entire section of my front page to this if I were not profiting in SOME way? That is no secret. But as our friend the emailer asked - is the product actually good? I can tell you that it is. You know why? Because I cannot discuss or sell anything if I didn't actually like the mask. I feel immoral and stupid. I feel bored. How passionate am I? I'm a psycho for this mask? Well - it's not a product I use everyday. You're not supposed to. Sure, I've lived without it for 26 years - it's not paramount to my survival on this earth. However, it's a good mask. It doesn't feel like shit when it's on. It doesn't feel like shit when I wash it off. It doesn't look like shit sitting in my vanity area. And I feel like my pores are sealed shut after I use it. I like it. It's a face mask. It's not a car. It's not a new condo. It's not a buttery chunk of warm lobster tail that melts in my mouth and makes me want to sing. It doesn't do my taxes. It doesn't make the world a better place. It's a clay mask. I use it once a week. It's fun. Fortunately, it's the best clay mask I've personally used. If you're going to get a mask, then I'm recommending this one, and yeah, it benefits me too. If you don't want it, then you don't have to buy it. You just stop reading once the green writing begins. For those who feel like trying it, then we're going to try to make it fun by having some interaction - posting some testimonials, and more stuff later. So, I hope this answers your question. Now, see below, and I talk to you about my experience using it, why I liked it, and a little more about the posting testimonials. Here's the story, people. I've always been into masks, and I love to try them all. I've liked the ones that are clear and you get to peel them off your face. I like the ones that flake. I like ones that change color. However, the point of the mask (which is then the fun) is to feel all that oil and all those impurities sucked out from my pores - particular my T-zone. So, I've recently been introduced to this mask from AnaMay. The appeal? For me it was the package. Let's be honest. All the masks I've used in the past are out of plastic tubs that I squeeze and curl, and they end up looking like old toothpaste. This one came in an adorable glass jar with a straw-like ribbon. The introduction and directional tag attachment looks like it's on parchment. Honestly, it's so damn cute. It reminds me of that scene in Baby Boom when the city people came into the Vermont country store, saw the bottles of gourmet baby food and bought them out. My favorite thing about it - I opened it up, took a whiff - completely fragrance free. That was just a big deal for me. Great, so it looks cute, but who cares if it's not actually a good mask. I came home, popped it open, and applied the thin layer as recommended. Honestly, I usually like to put on a thick layer because I used to believe that the thicker the layer, the more suction power. Not necessary. I went with the thin layer, and it felt like a vacuum was pressed to my face. Seriously hate it when I put on a mask and I can't feel it working. I don't like to smear green clay all over my face for it to sit there until I'm a nothing more than a glazed flower pot, and then I scrap it off. I want to feel more pores clear, and they did. Washing it off wasn't a pain either. So, I waited for my face to feel like it lost its elasticity - not the case. No need for moisturizer. I felt that nice, tight-skinned, fresh feeling. I'm not looking to feel younger because the quicker I can get out of my twenties the better, but it definitely gave that youthful glow, which is never a bad thing. The price of the product? Not the same as the stuff I buy at Rite Aid. Why? It's salon caliber. I also only use MAC make-up and brushes when I can buy blush for a fraction of the price at Rite Aid. Why? Because I don't put any crap on my face. It's my FACE. I'm only putting the best stuff on it. So, why am I telling my mask story? I quickly formed a relationship with the company based on my interest in the product. I can't afford to go to spas and get facials even though I hear it's fun. I need a facial, but I'd rather pay for a massage if I'm going to go, you know? Still needed a good mask though. I decided to give a try to help introduce the product a little here and give your facial-lovin' folks a chance to give it a try. Whether or not it's great is obviously up to you, so here's the plan with some tiny incentive to get you to try it: . I'm going to offer it here on my site, and for those of you who order it and try it, email me your testimonial. I will post your quote AnaMay Green Clay Mask here with your name. You guys don't come to my site to buy things. Why you come here at all is often a mystery, but it's not to for me to try to get something from you, so I've just decided to reserve this area on my page for you to hear about it and maybe give it a try if you feel moved. Email me the same place you always do - everythinglori@hotmail.com. I get every email, and for those of you who really are going to give it a try, I'll have your quotes with your name and where you're from posted here on this front page.