Let me clarify a little bit about my last entry regarding Catholicism. I got this email from a nice reader named Bruce who wrote this:

"Hi Lori,

The Catholic church does not teach that it is a sin to be gay, just that it is a sin to engage in gay sex. It is also a sin for straight people to have sex outside of marriage. We should not judge each other, but it is not hateful to acknowledge christian doctrine. Thank you.

Peace and Love,

Bruce"

Unfortunately, I cannot access my response to him because Hotmail is no where near as cool as gmail. However, my general response was that I do not believe it is hateful to acknowledge Christian doctrine. If you follow any set of rules and stick by them completely - I applaud you. My point is that it is NOT part of the Christian doctrine to then participate in hate crimes against someone who does not share your beliefs. It is NOT Christian to persecute anyone for anything. If you are against gay sex, then don't have any yourself, but there are people who are NOT against gay sex, who believe it is their right as a gay person to have sex the way they have it. Now, it's tricky when I use the word "judge" because...well, I judge. I judge all the time. I judge all the bimbos in the clubs around me that come off as complete morons. I judge most of LA for that matter. I judge anyone who has more than I do because I'm jealous of them (that whole coveting thing). There's a difference between having a negative opinion towards someone and acting on it - or openly preaching against the person's SOUL. There's a difference between disagreeing with someone's choices (for example, if you're voting for Scott on American Idol - I believe your choice is wrong), and actually telling another person that they should spend an eternity in HELL. Hmmm...wait, do I want Scott voters to go to hell? Yeah, in a colloquial way, not so much the actual fiery HELL. I can be called a hypocrite very easily here. There is an extremely thin line. I think that two siblings having sex is pretty wrong, but if they're happy, I don't see why I care. I might get SUPER freaked out and grossed out by it because...you know...ew. But do I think they should burn in hell? They're not hurting me or anyone else, so I suppose hell might not be necessary for them. Thin lines, people. Thin. Do I hate people who hate? Yeah - isn't that complete intolerance? I'm intolerant of the intolerant. Do you get much more hypocritical than that? Do I say I hate people all the time? Yup. Everyday. In my job, you learn to hate a lot of people REAL quick - the irresponsible, the unreliable, the lazy, the consistently tardy, the people who just NEVER pick up their phones. Is it REAL hate? No, not real hate. I'm talking about the REAL hatred, people. I know the difference. I don't REALLY hate. I just say I do for dramatic flare. Like this: I hate Paula Abdul. See?

Goddamn it (name in vain), I should go to this ab class, but I want to hide in my apartment so badly. I LOVE this ab class. I'm always happy about being there. I have NO reason not to go other than I just want to be by myself and away from people. Shit. Nothing is worse than making yourself feel guilty. This is my last night in a week where I can just be by myself and think. Tomorrow I have to pack, Wednesday is a whirlwind of work and travel before I hit up Beantown for some a cappella and boozin'. I do love this ab class. FUCK. Damn it.

What is so goddamn hard? Eat healthy, work out, feel GREAT, look AMAZING. Shit, it's so fucking easy. SO EASY. ONLY GOOD THINGS HAPPEN, and yet I sit home and do nothing instead. What the fuck is wrong with me? That ab class makes me happy and yet I'm not going because I don't want to leave this chair. I don't want to get changed. I don't want to drive the 2 minutes to the gym, find parking (never a problem), go upstairs, stamp my parking ticket, swipe my card, put my wallet in the locker, and then walk into the class that ONLY makes me happy for just a quick 30 minutes that makes me feel proud and wonderful. I feel tired and cloudy. This class will make me feel better. Shit, working out alone is no fun. You need someone to motivate you to go. You need someone else to motivate. Damn it. Damn it. Should I just fucking go???

AAAHHHH...

I'm not going. Damn me to Hell. Yes, hell with demons and fire and shit.

Okay, I'm done with this. I want to be in shape. Eating well is the first start. When I get back from Boston, it'll be May. Wow. One third of the year gone. 2005 - you are a joke. Okay. I can do this. I can get into shape. I can have that dream body I've always wanted. I've had it once before. I can fucking do this. It's about eating the right things. Avoiding the obviously wrong things. It's about smaller portions. It's about vegetables. It's about regular workouts. It's about drinking 10 glasses of water a day. My conflicts: I hate having to go to the bathroom every five minutes when I drink that much water. I like relaxing to one beer or glass of wine. I LOVE food, and I love to eat things that aren't so great for you. I love being lazy (even though I also hate it). Why don't I just take control?

I love my apartment. I love it. I love it. Do you know how great that feels? It is SO safe here. It's all mine. It smells right. It's the right color. Everything is where I left it. It's has amazing feng shui. My Tivo records every episode of Friends on TV (which can be anywhere from 4-8 a day). Everything here is mine. It recharges me. I did laundry this weekend, so all my towels are fresh. My sheets are fresh. Here's what I hate: my pillows. I bought the worst goddamn pillows a person can buy. Feathers everywhere - on the floor, in my sheets, poking me in the fucking head while I'm trying to sleep. Do you know that good pillows are SO expensive? Do I have a couple hundred sitting around to buy new pillows? No, but everyday, I lie my head down on this shit, and I think, "I really need to get new pillows." EVERYDAY.

So, I need to reread Order of the Phoenix in preparation for The Half-Blood Prince. It's a great book, but my new reading spots are not in my wonderfully safe apartment.