Have you ever had a day when everything goes wrong? I mean everything. Maybe every single person has a way of pissing you off. No one knows how to make you feel better? Anyone who tries manages to make you feel worse? Do you understand what it's like when you think to yourself, "Seriously, if one more thing goes wrong, I absolutely do not know what I will do." Again, no one is sick, no one has died, no one is in serious trouble, so life is no where near as bad as it can be on the grand scale. On the smaller scale though - the daily scale, it's just unbearable. I'm talking tears brimming all day. I'm talking having to hide a quivering lip of both rage and frustration by drinking a glass of water. I'm talking wanting to punch a wall, but knowing you're not really that self destructive, that you don't actually want to hurt your hand, and you want your full security deposit back from the landlord if and when you ever move out of your apartment. I'm guessing these are the days that people pound shots of tequila, but I'm not in the mood to get wasted. You know when you're so fucking mad at just SOOOO many people that you're willing to ruin nearly every friendship you have so that you can just be alone and have no one talk to you or bother you for a couple years? You know when you wonder what it would be like it you just got on a plane, went to another country, and told people you have a different name, and just pretend you have no problems at all.

I'm having a really fucking bad day. Just really fucking bad. And everywhere I turn, it's getting worse. Worse and worse by the second. I'm about to go get on my bike, but with the way this week, and particularly this day has been going, I'm pretty sure I'll just end up getting hit by a bus...is that really so bad?

I'm enraged at so many people. I'm frustrated as shit. I'm alone and left here to rot with really only my sister to agree with me on anything and take my side on anything.

These are the days when you sit there knowing exactly what could be done to make you feel better, but for some reason, you can't get it done.

I hate these goddamn days. I hate them, I hate them like crazy. I want to hide in my apartment and not talk to another goddamn person for seriously a week. Why can't I do that? I want to curl up on my couch, watch 400 episodes of Friends and Sex and the City, and chug wine. I want to space out and quietly hate the universe in the comfort of my favorite and only chair.

I don't to get any shit for being negative. I'm FEELING NEGATIVE, and that's just how it fucking is. Deal. I don't care if I'm depressing, I don't care if you think I'm fucking crazy. THIS IS HOW I FEEL, and if any of you have EVER felt this way, then remember that all you need in this whole fucking world is a friend who will not only ALLOW you to feel how you want to feel, but NOT go out of their way to make it worse. I had about 10 people gang up on me today, and I'm fucking done. I'm not going to the goddamn gym. I will ride my bike, but that's it! Then, I will return to my chair, and I will sit there quietly until I nod off. And THEN, I will get up in the morning, and see if I can make it through one more goddamn day of this work week. If I can do it, consider it a fucking miracle.

I hate everyone.