There isn’t enough time in the day. I’m sorry, but working 9 to 10-hour shifts a day, 5 days a week, week after week – it’s just too much for any one person. It’s a bad system. Just terrible. And it doesn’t work. Fact is, when you’re working this much, you can’t work as well. Recently, I haven’t even had a break in my day. Sometimes, I can’t even stop for lunch. It’s just straight working, thinking, and stressing hard ALL day non-stop. It's not like Office Space, like I have only 10 minutes of work to actually do a day, and I spend the rest of the day jerking off in my cubicle. No, I'm WORKING ALLLLL DAY. I'm working hard. It's just too long to focus on any on thing. By the end of the day, I’m completely fried mentally, physically, emotionally. I come home, and I have to find the time and energy to work out. Nevermind that I just worked all day and exhausted myself, now I have go push myself through painful lifting or cardio so I’m not a hideous slob. At this point, I feel like I’m going to die. I’m completely shot. I still want to squeeze in some easy TV, just to unwind. I still want to read some Harry Potter. I still want to find time do some other reading. I want to write. I want have a nice meal. I want to email, IM, or talk to some friends. I get home between 5 and 5:30pm. I CANNOT go straight to do something after work. I need at least a half hour to decompress. Working out (including travel time), 1-hour minimum. We’re coming up on 7pm. In this time, I need to eat and squeeze in everything else I want to accomplish. By 10pm, I can’t even move. I’m out. If I manage to muster up enough energy to stay up ANY later, my entire next day is completely destroyed. My alarm will still go off at 6am, but now I’m so tired that I’m grumpy the whole next day, I nearly fall asleep at the wheel on the way home, and then I have a very irritating fight with myself to go to the fucking gym. And WHY? WHY? Because having a goddamn six-pack and cut arms is going to be the source of my fucking happiness? I can’t stand it.

When the weekends come, it’s not time to rest. It’s time to fit in all the shit I couldn’t POSSIBLY fit in during the week – oil changes, hair appointments, laundry, cleaning, grocery shopping, etc. This is the crazy part – I’m just taking care of myself! I can’t fucking IMAGINE having kids, pets, whatever. I can’t imagine having to be responsible for anyone else when I feel like I can’t do shit for myself right now. The bitch is that the weekend is also a time I’d like to catch up on sleep, but the thing is that I don’t want to sleep in at all because then the day goes by too quickly, and I’m just that much closer to going back to work. No, I need to GET UP EARLY on the weekend to APPRECIATE the fact that I’m NOT at work. All of this – this ridiculous whirlwind of a life, all just so I can JUST afford to live this whirlwind of a life. All just to keep my head above water. I can’t get waxed as often as I need to. I had to fully give up the manicures and pedicures. My hair goes three months before the next appointment (which should be every 5 weeks). By the time I show up, my roots are down to my ears, and the rest is frayed, sick, dead, and split.

There’s no time.

I turn around and another week flew by. I turn around and another month ran past me. I think of the turning points in my life, particularly my last couple of years, and I can’t believe how long ago they all were. I actually feel dizzy. Well, right now, I really am dizzy. Sitting here. My ears ringing. I need to slow down.

I stayed up last night having a good conversation. Probably up a little past 11. Maybe it was a lot past 11. Today? Can hardly keep my eyes open. Didn't work out, but there was no fight from me. There was no way in hell I'd go. I fell asleep for about an hour. I feel groggy. I have so much TV to catch up on that it's almost becoming a chore. It's weird. Tonight, Brat Camp is on from 9-10pm, and I don't know if I'll be able to make it.

I have a lot of ideas for myself. There are many things I'm realizing I need to learn about. I'm tired of thinking things are out of my reach just because I'm ignorant on those topics. I'm excited about the plan to educate myself on certain topics, things that may affect my future, things that may BE my future, but I'm going to have to learn to MAKE time to do things since there is certainly no time just sitting around for the grabbing.

I think a new chapter is coming on. It's creeping up.

Fuck, I'm tired. Talk to you later.