I talked about most of this last week because I thought it was so obvious that Emily was leaving, there was no point on not talking about it like it was some big surprise.

I make the statement, "Tell me one situation where it's cool for a girl to bail on the rest of the girls because of her boyfriend." I have to be honest, I was surprised to see myself say that, and NOT exactly because the way you think. Yes, I think it was lame for Emily to preach about being a team when the only team she was playing for was Emily/James. But I'm not saying that a girl should always bail on her boyfriend for the rest of the girls. It really depends, which is why I thought it was strange to make that sweeping statement of "tell me one situation..." because I can tell you one or two, sure. I think that if it's a girl's night out, you've made plans and everything, it's fucked up to just decide to stay home with your boyfriend (unless something happened where he really needs you, like something serious happened). But, breaking plans with anyone for anyone when it isn't that important to break those plans - well, that's always lame, that has nothing to do with girls or guys. It just looks bad when it's BATTLE OF THE SEXES, and one of the ring leaders sort of betrays her sex for the other.

Moving on...I love the chemistry of the people here. There's no fighting, there is no shit talking. You may think that's good TV, but I like when people get along, especially if I'm one of those people.

Yay - I get to be funny. Well, not laugh-out-loud funny, but the kind of funny when you're there and laughing along because I"M IN THE INNER CIRCLE! It's funny because I said from the beginning that I didn't want the pressure of voting anyone off, so I would just hover underneath the inner circle and then just climb into it in the end. What you're not seeing here is that I FUCKING DID THAT. That's really funny. Sure, by default, but whatever. Point is, I stuck it out. No one hated me (that I knew of), I did okay on the missions, and I didn't quit. Sweet.

Can Shane be MORE exhausted for this mission page? He's dying there. "Uh....this competition requires...um <rub eyes>...yeah." I laughed out loud ("lol" for you IM savvy types) when I saw that.

The scooter mission. When I saw this, I swore to myself we'd win it. I felt like I had this new responsibility being in the circle. I WANTED to win it. I wanted to win it for our team, for me, and for the person I wanted to take to Mexico with me. This is balance. Girls have balance. We were MEANT to win this one.

...but that shit is REALLY high up. I mean, it's really high up. And I don't care that I have that safety line on. Once again, when your body and brain says, "You're really high up on a narrow beam, and you're on a scooter. WALKING across this thing would be scary enough." Your body WANTS to go slow. I just don't have it in me to get past the you're-not-going-to-fall aspect of it, which is the most important part.

Poor Ruthie. She's so great, and everyone makes mistakes. She is so selfless. Seeing her cry while I'm watching this and hearing her say that she wanted to do well for the team, not herself...kind of makes me well up.

Why does my hair look like I have dreads?

Colin - "No, I'm not afraid of heights, but I am scared of Johnny Mosley." That's great.

I did go faster than Colin, and I think I did go faster than Mark, but it doesn't say that. I was nervous at first when I went, but once I got to the middle, I was like, "Fucking go," and I hurried, but I took too long on the first part.

Melissa, "See, there he goes. Johnny blowing that horn again. What's that?" Just great. So great. Such WIT these people have. Love 'em.

Antoine helping Melissa across. I love when the opposing teams cheer each other on. Good people.

When Genesis went, I was more nervous than anything. I actually prayed. Genesis had nothing to lose because she'd have the lowest points regardless, so I just prayed she'd fly across. When she started going so slowly, and we knew, even before she was disqualified, that we had lost, I cried. It was the first and only mission I'd cried over. I wanted it so badly, worse than anything else because we've lost so many times, there was no more joking about it. We've lost for two months straight on this show. We felt like we disappointed all girls out there watching. Our pride was gone. It was a sad day. I felt worn out completely.

I GET TO STAND WITH THE INNER CIRCLE. Granted, no one was left to turn around and face, but it was still fun. Also, don't mean to compliment myself so much, but whatever, it's fun to see yourself on TV no matter how many times you've done it - my point is, I'm SO tan. God, I can't believe how tan. Maybe because I'm so pale now.

Antoine's speech did NOT go like that. It was very long and very funny. He started talking about wanting to sleep with Genesis. He then went on to say who he'd give the ion to based off of sex, but then explained why each girl did not have sex with him, therefore not receiving the ion. He goes down the list, and finally I'm last, and he says, "There's only one person left..." and I'm thinking, "Whoa, I'm going to get an ion. I always wanted to get an ion, either by winning it or receiving it from someone." "...but Shane," Antoine finishes.

He completes his speech about Shane, and I yell out, "Well, maybe I would have slept with you Antoine, but you completely forgot about me, so guess what, it's not going to fucking happen now!"

"Ooo...non, I weeel 'av sex with you," (I'm a little exaggerating on the accent, but you get it), but it was too late.

(Also, it wouldn't have happened if he gave me all the ions of the world. I was not available.)


Shane and Genesis leave. Sad. They are such great people. Do I sound repulsively positive? I don't know, I just like that episode, I guess.

Next week...who fucking knows what will happen, right?