I didn’t like it as an episode. Being an avid Real World watcher, I’ve always enjoyed the casting special because you received more personal insight onto the “characters” of the oncoming season. It was nice to learn why their videos and interviews stood out. I liked guessing which ones made it and which ones didn’t, but got SO far in the process. Seeing this episode where all the finalists are thrown into a resort to duke it out for most dramatic was too complicated and, in my opinion, not very entertaining.

As an experience, it’s an entirely different story. This was one of the most fun weeks I’ve ever had, and I would not trade it in for the typical finalist phone call just to have a better show. It probably would be really cool to get that phone call though. I can only imagine how exciting and scary it would be to pick it up and wait to see what they say. Still, Palm Springs rocked.

First off, I’ve never been to Palm Springs or anywhere like it. So fucking cold at night, so fucking hot during the day. Anyway, I was picked up at the airport and taken to some hotel. Actually, it was more like a little condo. I had my own living room, full kitchen, and a bedroom with a king-sized bed. I called my sister and mom to tell them I got there.

I hadn’t smoked in three or more months at this point. I had quit after getting a severe cigarette hangover while pre-gaming in the mods one Saturday. However, I was nervous and alone with no one to call because the phone bill would be too ridiculous. So, I walked down the street, picked up some Marlborough Ultralights, and smoked before going back inside. Coincidentally, Real World 9 was marathoning on mtv, so I, along with all the other finalists, I’m sure, settled in for a few ours of Real World before nodding off to sleep.

I woke up at 6am to get ready. Marlon, a casting guy, was picking me up at 7am. He arrived early. We were off to pick up three other finalists, which I was warned not to speak to or look at until we were dropped off and the cameras were on us. I have always felt the most threatened in life by 100% Asian girls. I mean, I grew up in predominately white environments where I was just slightly different, and felt special about it. However, I’m only 50%, so a 100% always made me feel boring. My sister feels the same way about this. So, who is the first person we pick up? Ellen. Not, I think to myself. I had picked out for myself a very tame outfit. I assumed that everyone there would think I was conceited after the voting process, so I didn’t want to dress too flashy. Ellen was in a low V-neck, glittery-blue tank top, with tight dark glitter jeans. NOT, I thought. I felt so boring. She seemed confident and gave me a quick smile when she got in the van.

We pulled into the next hotel, and I saw this tall, light-skinned black guy with the biggest afro I had ever seen in my life. Okay, the only afro I’ve ever seen in my life in person. I looked down at his folder and saw, “Malik” written on it. I, being the moron I am and having maybe one black friend in my life that was more of an acquaintance, pronounced it <MAL-ick>.

Finally, we picked up a white guy that looked very college to me who was also wearing the same sunglasses as I was. His name was Tom. (I actually can’t remember if Malik or Tom was picked up first, but I don’t think it’s important.)

We drove around forever waiting to get the call that we were allowed to enter the premises. We got to see the other vans and take a peak at the other finalists. I remember seeing Jisela and loving her hair. I saw Rachel and thought she was really interesting. So pale and her hair was so white. I hated her outfit so much, I remember that. I saw Dustin and Steve. Interesting looking and attractive. After THREE HOURS (and we are STARVING at this point), we received notice that it was our turn.

The van pulled up and I saw the cameras. This freaked me out. Those cameras are huge. They had us talk into the camera and say how we were feeling. It was so awkward. We knocked on the door and Theo and Melissa open it up. I was so psyched. I just watched Melissa for hours the day before, and my friends Katie and Mike from school love her. We were led in to a circle of people, all with name tags, all conversing rapidly as if to become best friends in under an hour. It was hectic. The cameras were everywhere. Sheriff (a soundgirl whose name is Jenny but later nicknamed Sheriff during the taping of RW10) was scaling a rock wall to hang a boom over our heads. Why are they taping this? I thought. It’s not like you could hear a clear conversation with everyone screaming their personalities at high voltage.

I found my way over to a girl named Katie who I thought had the most beautiful eyes and a fun raspy voice. She was really nice. I was uncomfortable because I felt like I was some new girl in a room full of friends until it occurred to me that these people were just as new as me. No one knew each other, we were all in the same boat.

From here, it’s foggy. I was myself, I know that much. I felt comfortable and self-secure. (I should have really enjoyed it because it was the last time I would feel that confident for a year.) Well, we had a great time. I slept about three hours a night. I was on a pure adrenaline rush for a week. There was a lot of unnecessary drama, if you ask me. Between Jisela and Ellen, I had my full. I thought it was funny in a stupid way. I mean, we all just met. How could anyone care enough about anyone else to get in a big fight with them? We hated when the cameras came around. We messed with them a lot, which we knew was spoiling our chances, but it was fun. Every night we all got drunk, everyday we sat around. There was enough downtime to make us go crazy, which I’m sure was the point.

I was pretty sure I didn’t make it. I had no fights with anyone, no romance (the Kevin thing was bit fabricated for TV), and I don’t think the camera was around any time I had a decent conversation with anyone.

We all cried like crazy right before we went out for the cast announcement. These people were unique individuals selected from all over the country because they were dynamic in some way. I felt very privileged to meet them, and I was happy to be there.

The first thought that crossed my mind when they called my name? A cross between “thank God” and “Oh shit. I’m leaving school, I’m leaving Bostonians, I’m leaving Matt.”