Okay, bring it on. I am SO ready to talk about this episode. Yes, I had a crush on Kevin. This is obvious and undeniable. Okay, ready for the truth? Are you sure? I liked him for about one week. This episode airs three weeks into the season, so it seems as though I’ve liked him for about a month. No. It was one week. This is NOTHING compared to the crushes I’m used to. This was short and sweet, but editing is EVERYTHING to this “relationship” Kevin and I seem to have.

Anyway, Malik explains that I have “sought out relationships.” This is true, but not the way it seems. I don’t have sought out relationships because no one seeks me out, it’s because I find someone I like then I go for it. If someone is seeking me out, he only gets me if I am seeking him at simultaneously. That’s just how it works.

Now, I’ve been given some grief about my three-time calling of a guy before I give up. Since cellphones have become so common, I have modified this rule. A lot of the time when you call a guy’s apartment, you leave a message on a machine or with a roommate. It is quite common that he doesn’t ever get the message. You have to call again in case he didn’t get the message. If it turns out that he did get the message but is avoiding you, then you stop calling, but you have set a limit. I don’t call three times in one day. I don’t even call three times in one week. It’s three times TOTAL, which can stretch over a month. And guess what, people. This has been VERY affective for me. So, make fun all you want, but things have worked out just fine with my three-calls rule. Anyway, if a guy thinks that’s too aggressive, then he’s not my type of guy, and it’s good that he doesn’t call me back.

Here’s something you should know about me. I don’t get embarrassed easily. I don’t have all that much pride. Pride gets in the way of everything and has ruined relationships around me. People don’t say what they want to say, people pretend they feel less than they do. No one ever knows the truth, and people miss out on something that can be great because they were too worried about making a fool of themselves. I say, make a fool of yourself. You’ll never find love playing stupid games. I’m very comfortable with rejection for a few reasons, but my favorite reason is because there is nothing funnier to my friends than my renditions of rejection stories. Every potentially humiliating experience is the potential for a great story to tell. I think my rejections are hysterical, other people think they’re pathetic. Well, that’s a waste then, isn’t it? I’m laughing, and you’re feeling bad for me. From that, I’d rather be me than you.

Okay, back to the episode. We’re going to Limelight. Never going there again. I hate clubs, and this one couldn’t have been more expensive. Anyway, Kevin and I were having fun that night. We were being flirtatious, and I thought that we should just hook up. I mean, what is the big deal here. The conversation we have is very similar to that of episode 1 and 2, though I didn’t talk about it in my episode review. I want to hook up because…I want to hook up, and so does he. I didn’t see what the problem was. The thing is, Kevin doesn’t know me very well. Only my friends (and my ex-hooks) know how I handle casual hook ups. I stay friendly with everyone I kiss. I have no uncomfortable relations with anyone I’ve hooked up with all through college. If I ever saw the guy again, which in almost all cases I did, then I never allowed it to be an awkward moment. I don’t get weird and attached. Even if I DID get attached, I would communicate it to that person, and if it wasn’t mutual, then I’d let it go. This has always been the case. I was not trying to trap Kevin into a relationship. I was trying to get some ass.

Everything you saw was out of order. That conversation we had on the balcony at Limelight was BEFORE the kiss. I don’t know how Kevin and I got to talking about us. Obviously the conversation was a bit lengthier in real life. I find it pretty ironic that he had to say “I don’t want to be with you” three times within the same episode I preach about my three-time calling. Yeah, well, the conversation did NOT end after he said he didn’t want to be with me (three times.) I told him that I did not want to “be with him” either, but that I had only thus far been interested in hooking up and getting to know each other. I told him that I couldn’t actually like him being that I don’t know him, I just wanted to get to know if to see if he would end up being someone I wanted to be with. Can you appreciate the difference? Because he couldn’t.

Anyway, we agreed that we both wanted to kiss each other out of curiosity. We were walking from one crowded room to the next, and the camera crew was no where in sight. We thought that because it was so loud, the crew could not hear us, so Kevin said, “Hey, do you want to kiss each other once off camera to get it out of our system?” I said I did, and we agreed that it would be just the one time and that we would keep it all off camera and never tell anyone. So, later in the night, we ran away from the cameras where they couldn’t catch up with us, and hooked up. What YOU saw on TV was NOT a kiss, just a little camera work to make it look like we were kissing.

When we came home that night, that conversation we had in the kitchen was hours long. You saw three minutes of it. We went on to further explain how we felt and why. We then just talked for a while. It was fun. Malik came into the room and we told him our secret that we had kissed. The cameras were not around, and at this point in the process, we did not know that they could see and hear us anyway. Kevin and I then went into the confessional to talk about our “new relationship.” This did not air. We really thought it would though at the time.

After this, all the flirtation ended. No more sex jokes, no more teasing. To be honest, I liked it better before. It was fun and playful. Now, Kevin was doing everything he could to avoid “leading me on.” This I go into more later when Mike and I talk at the end of the episode.

Okay, this scene with my and Rachel in Jeff’s dorm room is one of my favorite scenes of the whole season. I do not like the drama and fights on Real Worlds. That’s why Seattle was my favorite season. I like light-hearted themes, I think they’re more entertaining and you get to know those people better. I just watched a rerun of Real World 1, the original New York, and there was a short scene of Julie and Heather playing scrabble. I thought it was great. I love little simplicity. I have the most fun in life when I’m sitting around with my friends just talking and laughing. Big complications aren’t fun.

This whole thing with Rachel getting an ID is so edited. The bouncer at the bar that looks at the ID and makes a face is not making that face because her ID was so obviously fake. He was making a face because THAT night she used her real ID that said she was 18. The bouncer must have thought it was funny that she didn’t even try to pretend she was older, so he just let her in. Bars will do that sometimes. That bar, also, was not the bar they showed on the inside. We’re walking into Bob’s, and the next scene is another day in the basement at Nell’s.

That whole scene with that big dude who “got hard” for Rachel is really fucking funny. I remember that so well. She was really upset though. She went home early after Flights because she felt so violated. Poor girl.

Anyway, this is where I talk to Mike about Kevin being weird. Like I said earlier, after my talk with Kevin, all the flirtation stopped. However, all the flirtation stopped with ME, not with everyone else. Kevin is touchy-feely, and he stopped touching me because he was afraid of leading me on. The thing is, by treating me differently than everyone else, by singling me out, it only draws more attention to the fact that things aren’t normal. It’s hard to get over someone when they are constantly reminding you, (as if I needed reminding), that they “don’t want to be with you.”

Okay, I liked him. Looking at this episode, it is clear that my crush was severe, but IT WAS ONLY A WEEK. ONE WEEK. So not fair how much it was dragged out.