This will be difficult to talk about. Again, having lost my tape of it, I’m going by memory of being there and what was actually shown of TV.

I’ll tell you honestly that the discussions of race on the past Real Worlds always bored me, or at least they did after the first season. It’s not because I don’t think it’s an important topic. I understand that race relations on Real World has encouraged discussion on the matter, and talking openly is the only way the world can become any better. However, race has never been something important in my life. It’s never been something that has affected it very much. I’ve been in predominately white environments my entire life. Only a year in high school did I immerse myself in Filipino culture by going with my Asian friends Michelle, Audris, Corinne, and Ali (who is white) to Filipino parties. But that only a few times though for me. Though I am biracial, the Filipino side of me has been sort of left out in my upbringing. I only speak English. I had rice with every meal growing up, but that’s as far as it went. I was treated white. I don’t get offended easily about large issues like race, politics, and feminism. I get offended easily when it comes to someone I love hurting me romantically, but other than that, I’m fine. So, there wasn’t much to talk about when it came to race. And though I’m half white, my Filipino side sort of excluded me from fights others had about black versus white. I was just enough of a minority that I was never included in arguments around me. It was like a get-out-of-jail-free card. No one was mad at me because half of my ancestors have no reputation for discriminating against black people. However, with no one treating badly ever because of my ethnicity, I do not have any anger, resentment, or passion about race. Coral explained to me once that because people treated badly because she was black sometimes as a child, she is affected by it, and cannot help her sensitivity when someone says something or does something that disrespects a black person. Again, since I have no experience in this and no history, it had not interested me to watch people fight about it on TV.

I thought that because this was the most diverse cast ever (with three black people, two of which are half black and half white, three white people, and a half Asian/half white girl), there would be no need to discuss race because we were all mixed up already. I thought that was a symbol of itself, but I was wrong. It only sparked more discussion of race, which had me feeling left out again.

Rachel and I went out for coffee a few times without the cameras. Don’t know why they chose not to follow us, but it was a good time to talk to each other about what was going on. Neither Rachel or I felt it was appropriate to ask Malik, Coral, and Nicole what they were talking about when they were arguing about race. Rachel didn’t understand either, but she had come to learn was that because those three were the three black people, that they had to have their own family within the house. They wanted to be on the same page about things and be really close because they were “sisters and brothers.” Again, I’m not black, and I don’t know what it feels like to be black and bond with other black people because white people don’t have that kind of bond. It wouldn’t have made sense if Kevin, Mike, and Rachel got together and said they were a family because they were the only 100% white people. That would be prejudice in this world.

There is hypocrisy in this concept. We ALL know that. We also know that because of history, the “rules” allow the concept to alter in degrees of equality. Now, I’m educated and all, but I didn’t absorb everything I learned in history class as well as my friends Erin and Aine have, so I know that most of my statements are lacking the facts that are necessary to form a more appropriate opinion. But I also know that I am free to have an opinion based off of what I’ve witnessed in my life, and that is fair as well.

Let me throw out an example of what I’m talking about. A friend told me once that a black boy in his high school was wearing a shirt that read “I hate white people.” A white boy was offended, and as a sociological experiment, he made a shirt that read “I hate black people,” and wore it to school. Needless to say, he got his ass kicked, his house vandalized, his car torn apart, and a nasty reputation that wouldn’t go away. My friend told me that this white boy did not hate black people, but was raising a point that reverse racism should not be allowed. Fine. Thing is, you just don’t fucking do that. But asking why is always a good question. Recognizing the hypocrisy is always a good step in the right direction. Racism of any kind should not be tolerated. He went about it the wrong way though.

A perfect world would have us celebrating our differences because the variety of color and shape and size is a beautiful thing and quite deliberate on God’s part. There should be no seclusion. Truth is, the world is pretty big, and it makes sense that people find little groups with whom they share something in common. Sometimes it’s books, or music, sometimes it’s looks. But history fucked everything up and a bunch of assholes in our past really made it hard for us to love each other equally today.

Back to the show. Nicole mother is not white as Kevin and I thought. I learned this weeks and weeks later when we were driving home from Boston, but I’ll tell you about that during that review. Anyway, the arguments about Malik’s hypocrisy sounded legit to me…me who knows nothing about this. You know what? I can’t get into their exact argument because I KNOW I wasn’t there and I KNOW I never talked to them in detail about it. Since I don’t know what was really said outside of what the editors revealed, I’m not going to state my opinion on it.

There IS a part that I want to discuss a little bit. This is the issue of “talking shit.” Now, this is an enormous topic that had been the bain of my existence in that house. EVERYONE was sensitive about this, and not so much about it in real life, but more so when the cameras were around, and they knew that shit could come back to bite you in the ass. Nicole and Malik’s argument was between the two of them. Nicole found it to be a betrayal that Malik discussed the issue with Kevin. Nicole and Coral, in general, live by this no-shit-talking clause to an extreme. I, however, do not, nor does anyone else in my life. I’m not saying I’m this horrible shit-talker, but the truth is, I vent my frustrations about others to my friends without a doubt. There IS a difference between talking shit and venting. Say I had a friend named Sally with whom I was very close. Then I have a friend named Vicky. If I went to Vicky and told her that I was really annoyed with Sally today because she talked about her boyfriend all day, THAT WOULD BE FINE. I love Sally, and just because I was annoyed for an hour or two and told Vicky while we were discussing our day does not make me this bad friend. That is also not worthy of confrontation, so why hurt Sally’s feelings when she’s so happy talking about her boyfriend? That’s just stupid. No one cares, it’s not a big fucking deal. IF, however, I went to Vicky and started making fun of Sally and saying that she’s a bitch and I hate her, THEN going to Sally’s and just hanging out and laughing with her, THAT would be fucked up.

Now Malik is best friends with Kevin at this point. Going to his friend to talk out what’s on his mind is fine by me, though not by Nicole. Nicole and I have different rules in life, and that’s just how it is. I do not believe it was Kevin’s place to defend Malik to Nicole because it is none of his business. He should have kept his opinions to himself. But Kevin sort of lives by this theory that he can say anything he wants to anyone no matter if it’s insulting or inappropriate because he’s “being honest.” I don’t like the Ultimate Honesty Clause that he lives by. I do not believe it is necessary to share your tactless opinions all they time just because you have them. I go under what my mom taught me, which I’m sure you’ve all heard, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”

Nicole was out of control, Kevin was being condescending. Both were in the wrong, if you ask me. That was not the way to deal with that situation on either or their parts. It was very awkward after Nicole exploded on Kevin. I had planned on going out with the boys that night. We left right after the fight. I was torn. It seemed like we were split now between girls and boys. I didn’t know if I should stay home now because the girls were home. If I went out, I felt like I was betraying the girls. If I stayed in, I felt I was betraying the boys. I was on neither side of that argument, but now I felt like my loyalty was being tested. I went with the boys trying not to think about what it looked it, but I had a bad night because the boys just bitched and bitched. The girls stayed home and bitched and bitched. I didn’t feel it was my place to say anything to anyone because no one asked for my opinion. So, this was the beginning of some serious discomfort in my home on Hudson St.