I was actually mad when I saw Eric Neiss hosting The Grind. I was so annoyed. He was the Real World guy, and the idea of him using the show to make some sort of cheesy career out of living in a loft and doing absolutely nothing but existing somehow got under my skin enough that I used the would repulsive.

Following that season, a series of Real Worlders with musical aspirations fell into our living room television sets that caused me great angst. It was not necessarily because these people were not talented, but more that I hated the idea of characters crossing over into the rest of my world, into my movies, my WB sitcoms, my radio. Real Worlders are meant for THAT show and NOT to bleed into other forms of media.

Okay, here I am…the character I hate most…the aspiring musician who is “obviously” just trying to use the Real World to “make it” but won’t, because we won’t let them. Fascinating. Since I am now an active practicer of what I preached NOT to be, I thought I’d take out this time to understand what this phenomenon is…

Somehow we except what we are handed, as long as we can’t see who is doing the handing. We like the buzz on a new artist, we like the video, the radio…we trust that they have “made it” because they are talented, because the big wigs of the music industry saw something special in this person, something worthy of being “known” to the world. They are placed out into the industry on a pedestal above our heads. We are the fans, they are the stars. This division is what this young culture is used to, what we crave, and what we enjoy. Getting such fame through reality-based programs is NOT cool though with us…why? Well, we know how you got there. You were not handed to us as a star, but as a regular nobody, so for you to try to act like a star when we know you’re no one is an insult to us.

The same way that watching the making of a Nightmare on Elm Street completely disillusions our fears when we are watching the movie, we are disillusioned when we see an artist when we watched them get there. If I actually “make it” musically, and I never was on the Real World, would that be okay with the world? Maybe that’s not the issue. Maybe it’s that I would never make it UNLESS I were on the Real World. Therefore, I am using the show because without it, I would not be special enough to have been discovered. Fantastic point. However, let’s look closely at a few realities that we often fail to ignore when we’re slashing the throats of Real World Musicians…If I were to be signed, “Real World” would not be signing me. MTV would not be signing me. Someone else would have seen me on the show and maybe thought I had potential, or I was given the opportunity to meet people from my job at Arista, a job that Real World indeed gave me. What do we think to ourselves? They’re only giving her the time of day because she is on the Real World. Let’s entertain the idea that this is true: Real World as my in…I’m only given attention or these recording opportunities because of who I am, NOT because of my talent. So here I am, walking around like I’ve got something, that I can sing, when I can’t, it’s just because of the show, because of whatever pull this program has offered. Okay, what IF all this were true? Well, no wonder we hate RW musicians, they’re like fake musicians, ironically…just characters. Interesting. This leads to the message boards filled with the commonly phrased statement: “Oh great, another singer trying to use the Real World to make it big even though it’s NEVER worked before. Not. Haven’t we seen this one before? I’m so tired of these people. Why can’t they cast “real” people, not just lame people craving fame and fortune through MTV?” I can’t really argue with you…I may have posted a few of these messages myself.

What’s my rebuttal? Okay, I have a few that may please you, may bother you even more. Did I audition with the intent of acquiring fame and fortune? No, I wouldn’t go so far, wouldn’t make it so black and white. Part of the reason I auditioned at all was because my roommates were going to the open call and I thought, “What the hell” and went. Why did I continue with the process? Well, it was funny, for one, that I was actually proceeding because who really thinks that it’ll work out? Why did I want to be a part of it? Well, a few reasons, really. I like the idea of being heard. I like being able to share my opinion, being able to make statements. I like the idea of sharing myself, my thoughts with the world, with standing for what I believe in, no matter how noble or innoble my principles are. I like the idea of challenging myself to something so extreme, a true test of what it means to be “me.” I’ve been studying psychology my whole life. I’ve been writing journals, psychoanalyzing myself, going through identity-crises, getting my heart broken, losing and gaining friendships, and got left with who I am today – a big scrambled mess of wisdom and ignorance, of experience, truth, failure, and growth. Now, I have the opportunity to live with six other equally defined and powerful individuals who will be challenging all that know, all I’ve learned about the world, etiquette, and lifestyles. Here, these colorful personalities will help define my own color, something that I’ve been immune to my whole life from lack of scrutiny from those SO unlike myself. It’s a rich learning experience, and thank GOD for it.

I won’t lie to you, I was not oblivious to the superficial perks of Real World. That’s impossible. I remember watching the casting special for season 7, and Irene said, “I know that you get to live in a phat pad.” I was SO pissed off. I ran around preaching, “Ugh, it’s SO messed up that she just wants to be on the Real World because of the apartment!” I’m such a dumbass. Of course it’s fucking cool that you get to live in a Real World apartment. They’re hooked up, and everyone KNOWS that’s cool. Everyone KNOWS the perks that come along with this experience, and I do NOT think it’s wrong to be at all psyched about them. No, those perks should not be the sole motivation, but you know what? If you really were the person that was only excited about the perks and not the experience itself, I can PROMISE you, you wouldn’t last a minute in that house. It takes more than the desire for attention to deal with the kind of judgment, criticism, and psychological deconstruction that happens on and off the camera.

Did I think to myself, “If I make this show, I’m sure to become a famous singer.” No, and that’s super stupid, by the way. I WAS aware, however, that the show can give me exposure, and maybe someone out there will like my voice enough to want to work with me, maybe people might like my voice enough to want to hear me sing more. Of COURSE I was aware of that. Again, my only motivation? Hell no. Do I expect anyone to believe me? I’ve learned to not make expectations anymore…my roommates taught me that much.

A final reality: If you don’t like my voice, then don’t listen to me. I’m not a brilliant mind like Tori Amos, Ani DiFranco, or Bjork. I don’t have the voice of Whitney Houston, Ella Fitzgerald, or Christina Aguilera. I love to sing, I like my voice for whatever it is, and if singing makes me happier than anything else in this world. If you like my voice, hey, feel free to listen to it. If you don’t, well then don’t. That’s cool. No reason to care anymore than that.

It’s funny how much we persecute the RW aspiring musicians. Just today I received a heated letter from some guy who was angry that I was trying to make it in the entertainment business. He called me a poser and asked me why I couldn’t just be “real.” I was completely fascinated by this comment. I’m a 22 year old college student who sings all the time, mostly to myself. All I did was be myself, and I somehow got selected out of 35,000 people to live in that house. I don’t get it. I’m not a caster. Somehow, loving singing and talking about it made me “not real.” Ironically, this particular viewer would have somehow respected me more and considered me “more real” if I had lied about my love for singing and stated that I would like to be an architect instead. It’s a strange sensation to be yourself and have others tell you how fake you are for pursuing your passion. I had little response for this writer. I just asked him why he was so mad at me and told him that if he thought I was talentless, he can just not listen to me sing. Pretty simple.

So what’s my final point on this? Have your opinion, feel free to express it, just remember to ask yourself why other people’s harmless personal decisions and pursuits are ever a reason to be aggravated or personally offended. Use your energy wisely. Don’t waste even a second being annoyed at someone else when it has nothing to do with you.