I love it when I find new small ways to make a difference in how I feel. The smallest changes are usually the most effective. For instance, I pinned my hair today, and I found that it was a flattering look. It was very Scottish, maybe princess-like, and I felt like I had accomplished a little slice of happiness that only tiny superficial changes can do.

An old friend once told me that little changes can have the greatest effect on your life. He asked what routine I used when I showered. I was confused by what he meant. “Well, I mean do you start at the bottom of your body and work your way up, or do you start at the top?”

“Um…the bottom, I think.”

“Next time, start at the top.” He then continued to suggest I sleep with my head at the foot of the bed. He continued on with several examples of ways to butcher my unconscious daily routine reminding me it would make a difference, but never quite explaining how. He almost made it out to be magical, like it was some wicca shit that he was plotting for me, but only recently have I discovered what he meant all those years ago.

Routine supplies us with much needed consistency in a very chaotic world. Even those people who consider themselves spontaneous are subject to some sort of habits or daily rituals. They roll out of the bed the same way every morning, or they answer the phone with the same quirky sounding hello. These are the details that only our loved ones have taken the time to notice. It’s usually when a guy has figured out my insignificant patterns that I know he loves me. Most people think they only need to care about the highlights, the major events. They study your family history, your past break-ups, those turning points in careers. I like it when a guy knows how I like my coffee and how I bite my bottom lip constantly when I’m feeling particularly lucky to be in the room with him. I remember those moments when I would fall in love all over again, and they were usually when I realized the tiniest details, such as how he turned his head when I was being unreasonably upset with him, or how he walked so stiffly from one side of the room to the other, or how the shape of his eyes would change from sensually squinty when he looked at me to perfectly round and wide when he looked at the approaching waiter.

Anyway, the altering of some details truly can make a difference in that the obstruction of one’s routine can remind her that she still has control over things that unconsciously began to control us. When someone towels off his body after the shower the same exact way his whole life, once he consciously decides to towel off differently, he knows that anything in his life is changeable if he wants to. It sounds ridiculous, but it’s true. Think about it. He’s spent maybe 20 years doing one thing the exact same way every single day. Most people have not committed to any one thing with such determination as a lifelong habit like that, and to know that one can change that, he can change anything else. People feel like they can’t get out of relationships that they have been in for so long because it’s just become so much of one’s life. They don’t think they can start a new business, leave their old job because the consistency of the old routine is so ingrained. Change is necessary sometimes, but it literally doesn’t feel possible. It is, and the alterations in those small routines can serve as an active metaphor that no one person ever needs to be enslaved. You just have to do it, and it’s done.