The days are counting down quickly and the press has already begun its spewing. My stomach is turning so tensely that I can barely sit still. I don’t know what it is exactly. I just feel like a fool. I feel like I’ve made such an ass of myself, but the thing is, I didn’t make an ass of myself. I was just being myself. Not everyone can appreciate that. Yeah, sure it’s dorky that I sing around the house and shit like that, but that’s what I do. I wasn’t trying anything, it is how I’ve kept myself sane for my WHOLE life and I can’t be ashamed or embarrassed about that. Thing is, it has been something personal, something I did when no one was around. Well, I mostly kept this way in the house, but there is always the millions of viewers around. It’s not just me. But what was I to do? Not sing EVER because other people would not like it or think whatever they might think about it? That’s not fair at all. That’s not fucking cool either. I can’t be ashamed, so what am I worried about? Many people will say terrible things about me, but who the fuck cares? They don’t actually hate me, they just don’t like me or understand me.

I’m just scared. This is the ultimate judgment. I just feel that no one is the world is going to love me. It’s gonna come off that I have no personality, that I’m a loser, that I’m annoying. I just feel like everyone is going to hate me. That feels terrible. I don’t know what to do with myself. I just wish I didn’t have my own plotline. I wish that I was an objective observer.

I don’t know. I’m just confused about so much right now. I’m trying to keep my head on straight, but it’s difficult. It’s difficult to do anything. I just want to relax and laugh at all this, learn from it. Instead, I think I’ll just get hurt. I was secure before. I mean, I was slightly insecure, but now, I’m just questioning myself so much and it’s not fair.